THE DATING MINEFIELD

Broken Bedrooms

THE DATING MINEFIELD - Guidelines for Singles and Romance

Intro: Imagine driving on a narrow mountain road late at night. The drop-off beside you is a thousand feet. Suddenly you see a metal guardrail running along the edge. No one pulls up to a guardrail and says: “Who put that there? Why are they restricting my freedom? I want to drive wherever I want!” No. Everyone understands the guardrail is not there to ruin your freedom — it is there to save your life. God’s commands about relationships and sexuality are guardrails. They guard hearts. They shelter families. They protect the future. Modern dating, as we know it today, is actually a recent invention — barely a hundred years old. For thousands of years, people approached relationships differently. And the results were often far healthier than what we see today. I’m not suggesting a new set of rules. I’m suggesting a new set of eyes — biblical eyes. For every path God provides…Satan offers a detour.

Modern dating creates four predictable problems:

It shuts up parents
It teams up with the wrong people
It breaks up hearts
It hooks up bodies before marriage

IT MINIMIZES PARENTAL AUTHORITY (the shut up)

Eph 6:1 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right…”

God never designed young people to navigate romance alone. Parents are not obstacles. They are umbrellas. They have lived longer. Seen more. Suffered more. Learned more.

Modern dating teaches: “Parents don’t understand. They’re annoying. This is my life. They need to back off.”

But Scripture says God protects us through parental authority.

Before entering a romantic relationship, wise young adults invite parental involvement. They welcome counsel. They seek blessing.

Here’s why: When two teenagers “fall in love,” everyone is on their best behavior. A façade is created. Reality is hidden. That’s why God gives parents — people who can see what infatuation cannot.

Young ladies: How does he treat his mother? Young men: How does she treat her father?

Modern dating encourages independence from both parents and God. And that is the first step toward disaster.

IT VIOLATES BIBLICAL SEPARATION (the team up)

Scripture limits who we become close to — especially romantically.

Two categories:

Non-Christians 2 Cor 6:14 “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers…”
Rebellious Christians 2 Thess 3:6 “…withdraw from every brother who walks disorderly…”

When believers date people who don’t pursue Christ, spiritual decline is almost guaranteed. Affections meant for God are redirected to a person.

Eccl 12:1 “Remember now your Creator in the days of your youth…”

Youth is meant to be a season of pursuing God — not replacing Him.

Modern dating often does the opposite: It attaches young hearts to someone who becomes their emotional center.

What happens when a young believer goes that route? Church participation declines, prayer disappears, and biblical convictions erode. Because no one enjoys being around God while clinging to sin.

Dating someone who pulls you away from Christ is not romantic. It’s spiritual rebellion. It is cheating on God.

IT LEADS TO EMOTIONAL INSTABILITY (the break up)

Breakups are often treated like normal rites of passage. But they are not harmless. They create deep emotional bonds…then tear them apart.

Modern dating produces a series of mini-divorces.

Every breakup forms a bond and then tears it apart, training the heart to treat deep connection as temporary and disposable.

Over time, that cycle builds emotional scar tissue—making trust harder, attachment shakier, and commitment more fragile. What was meant to prepare someone for lifelong covenant instead conditions them to expect relationships to end.

Gal 6:7 “Whatever a man sows, that he will also reap…”

God designed emotional bonding for marriage. Dating repeatedly forms and breaks those bonds.

And the heart learns a dangerous pattern: attach…detach, attach…detach…

Then later in marriage…the same instability resurfaces. God never designed relationships to rehearse heartbreak.

IT PROMOTES SEXUAL IMPURITY (the hook up)

Modern dating puts two people with strong sexual desires: alone, unaccountable, emotionally attached, physically close…and says: “Be pure. Honor God.” What could possibly go wrong?

illus: Let me give you a snapshot of where we are right now. Researchers say teenagers today are having less sexual intercourse than previous generations — but at the same time, they’re being exposed to more sexual perversion than ever before. The CDC reports only about three in ten high school students have had sex — the lowest on record. But research also shows that over seventy percent of teens are exposed to pornography, and a majority of Gen Z (14-29 years) says sending or receiving explicit images is common. This generation may be delaying the ultimate sex act — but they’re not avoiding sexual activity. They’re growing up in a culture saturated with it. Less physical activity — more mental, visual, and digital sexuality. And that shapes habits long before marriage ever enters the picture. This is what Scripture calls defrauding — stirring desires you cannot righteously satisfy.

Sexual desire is a gift from God. But outside marriage, acting on it — or stirring it — becomes sin.

2 Tim 2:22 “Flee youthful lusts…”

Modern dating does the opposite. It runs toward youthful lusts.

God’s command is not: “See how close you can get.” It’s: “Run the other direction.”

Three times Song of Solomon says to young women: “Do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.” It’s notable that women can control this.

Modern dating does exactly that. Then hearts are shattered…purity is lost…and regret follows.

illus: Woody Hayes once said when you throw a forward pass, three things can happen — and two are bad. Same with modern dating: 1. They become sexually involved. 2. They break up in heartbreak. 3. They get married. Two out of three are harmful.

When a system consistently delivers damage…it’s time to question the system.

What Is the Better Way? Instead of copying the world’s model, Scripture gives a different path.

Focus First on Becoming Godly

Matt 6:33 “Seek first the kingdom of God…”

Don’t focus on finding someone. Focus on becoming someone.

Pursue Christ. Grow in holiness. Serve God. Character matters more than chemistry.

Prov 31:30 “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised’”

God Himself is the One who gives a godly spouse.

Prov 19:14 “A prudent wife is from the Lord.”

Many believers discover that spouse while serving Christ faithfully in the church.

Honor Wise Authority

Eph 6:2 “Honor your father and mother…”

Parents are a safety net of wisdom and experience.

To honor them means: welcoming their oversight, asking for their counsel, valuing their blessing

Treat One Another as Family

1 Tim 5:1-2 “younger men as brothers…younger women as sisters, with all purity…”

Before marriage: She is your sister. He is your brother.

If he loves God and loves you, he will protect your purity. He will not take it.

Spend Time in Group Settings

Isolation is where temptation grows strongest. Satan loves secrecy. But wisdom loves accountability.

Spending time with other believers—friends, families, church groups—creates an environment of safety and maturity.

Scripture warns us about trusting our own flesh. Rom 7:18 “I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells.”

Spiritual strength is not seeing how close you can get to temptation. Spiritual strength is avoiding the danger altogether.

Move Toward Marriage Intentionally

Instead of casual dating, relationships can move through intentional stages.

Friendship – simply getting to know one another in a healthy Christian environment.
Courtship – a serious, accountable relationship exploring whether marriage may be God’s will.
Engagement – a confirmed commitment to marry.
Marriage – a lifelong covenant between a man and a woman for the glory of God.

This approach protects hearts, honors families, and places Christ at the center.

Conclusion: The real issue is not dating. Instead, the real issue is this: Do you believe God is wiser than your feelings?

------------ Transcript --------------------------------------------

It's always so supercharging to have an elder pray for me before I speak.
Before we get to our last installment of our Broken Bedroom series, I want to tell you that you're sitting in a congregation today that has agreed together to live on mission every day and to pray for non Christians to become believers, to receive eternal life and to believe in Jesus so that they can know God and understand the purpose for which God made them so they can Be with the Lord in the next world. And so that's us. We remember that our Lord Jesus spoke a parable in Luke 15 where he said, he's the kind of shepherd that if he had 100 sheep and just one of them wandered off, then he would leave the 99 in the comfort of where they are and he would go after that wandering sheep, just that one. And so we call the non Christians in our lives that are close to us but far from God, we call them our ones. And I believe that when a church prays for the lost, that God saves the lost.
And so I'm going to challenge you today to be on mission with us and say, lord, you've given me some ones, or at least one one. And you've given me the assignment to be the evangelist in their life. And so here's what I'm going to ask you to do. There's an invite station in the lobby and it's got these invite cards. Cards.
Everybody repeat after me. Did you get one of these? Did you get one of these? Put one in your fingers, go in any public place and say to anybody, hey, did you get one of these? You don't even have to know them.
They immediately feel left out because they're like, well, other people got one of those and I didn't. They will take this. This says you're invited. It's Great Commission Church, real simple, has our service time, has one of those neat little QR codes. It's magic.
I don't even understand how they work. And so look, just begin to practice being evangelistic. Did you get one of these? Give one to your one and say, look, hey, I thought about you this week. I'd love for you to come sit next to me at the 9 o' clock service at great Commission Church.
Or, hey, look, if you want to come to 11, I'll come and sit with you at 11. Don't you want people to go to heaven? Don't you want them to know Jesus? And so this is our one. I love how Pastor Jacob says, God will use the you that you are right now, and I believe that he'll do that.
And so we're just gonna agree to be on mission. On your prayer card today, on your ministry card on the backside where it says prayer, in the middle it says someone close to me, but far from God, my one. I want to know who your one is. I want to pray with you for your one. Would you at least write one name down there?
Somebody close to you, far from God, lives within maybe 20 or 30 minutes of this church building. Maybe we could minister to them. We're praying for people that need to know Christ. Did you get one of these? Now you're ready.
Is that good? Easy. Look, when I go out, I want to live on mission. I want to live the love of Jesus. And when I go out to restaurants now, my new practice is to our server.
Hey server, what is your name? My name is Chelsea. Chelsea, thank you for waiting on us today. In just a minute, my friend and I are going to pray a blessing over our meal. And we were wondering, is there anything we can pray for you about?
I haven't had anybody. No, I don't believe in prayer. Please don't pray for me. Now sometimes you get really kind of like beauty pageant answers. Well, would you just pray for world peace?
And I go, okay, I can pray for world peace. Or they'll say, will you pray that you'll end world hunger? And I'm going, that's why I'm at the restaurant. I'm here to end hunger in my life. But sometimes, like I had a girl say to me recently, you know, my two year old daughter has cancer.
And then she just kind of stood there. I meant like, you go away and we'll pray for you. You, she stood there waiting for us to pray. So, hey, can I touch your shoulder and pray for you? God, Chelsea's daughter Mia, suffering from cancer.
God, we know you made Mia. We know Chelsea loves Mia. But not as much as you love her. God, would you heal Mia of her cancer? And would you comfort her mom's heart?
Now what do you think that, what do you think Chelsea did? Cried? See, Jesus wanted to love Chelsea that day and he wanted to do it through us. So you just ask him, hey, can, can I pray for you? Did you get one of these?
You just got to do it on purpose. And God begins to give you stories like you could never write on your own. Does that make sense? So hey, we're gonna do it today if you're going out to eat today. Now there's the challenge.
Pray for your server. See what happens. Alright, Broken Bedrooms. Today is the last installment and I'm going to talk to, to people who are not married. You're single, you're dating, you're in high school, you're in college.
I'm not talking about middle school. And younger today you're just going to have to wait. You're too young. Amen. Just go ahead and get off my lawn.
All right. But hey, look, if you're in Your late teens, high school, college, or listen, you're single again. Maybe you had a failed marriage, maybe you're a divorcee, maybe you're a widow. I think the Bible's timeless truths apply to you. You don't outgrow these.
And so we want to talk about the dating minefield. Guidelines for singles and romance. Now, the greatest drive in a vehicle that my wife and I have ever taken is a place in Glacier national park in Montana near the Canadian border. It's called the Going to the sun Road. It's 52 miles.
It zigzags in the park of Glacier national park. And eventually you're just up in the mountains and you're up there and there's a 3,000 or 4,000 foot drop to the bottom of the canyon. And I'm so grateful because the Going to the Sun Road is two lanes and they're not very wide. And you get so high up, you're just. When you're going 15 miles an hour around the mountain curves, it feels like you're going too fast.
But on the side over the cliff are guardrails. They're made of stonework. They're beautiful, and I'm so glad that they're there. They're big and heavy. They're kind of heavier than the vehicle I'm in.
And if I just kind of go the wrong way, it's going to keep me there. Imagine driving on a narrow mountain road late at night and the drop off beside you is thousands of feet. And suddenly you see a guardrail running along the edge. You know what? No one does?
No one pulls up to the guardrail and says, man, who put that there? Somebody's just trying to restrict my freedom. I want to drive wherever I want, whenever I want. No one says that. Everyone understands that the guardrail is not there to ruin your freedom.
It's there to save your life.
God's commands about relationships and sexuality are guardrails. And they guard our hearts and they shelter our families and they protect our futures. Did you know that the modern dating way that we do it in cars and going out to the movies and alone, one on one and on Friday nights or Saturday or whatever. Do you know that that's a relatively new invention? It's about 100 years old.
It started with the invention of the automobile at the turn of the 20th century. Here's what I'm telling you. Thousands of years of world history. Before the last hundred years, guys and gals got together differently than the way we do it now. And so the results were better before a hundred years ago in the way guys and gals came together than they are today.
I'm not suggesting a new set of rules. I'm suggesting a new set of eyes. That we have Bible eyes, Biblical eyes. That we see members of the opposite sex the way God does. Because every pathway that God provides, Satan offers a detour and a counterfeit.
Modern dating creates at least four major problems. And that's going to be the four points of my sermon today. Number one, it shuts up parents. Number two, it teams up with the wrong people. Number three, it breaks up hearts.
And number four, it hooks up bodies before marriage. So we're going to talk about the problems that modern dating creates. Everybody ready? Everybody ready for a sermon on dating? I promise you I got Bible on there.
Well, number one, the first problem that modern dating creates is it minimizes parental authority. I call this the. Shut up, shut up, mom and dad. I'll handle this myself.
But Ephesians, chapter 6, verse 1 says, Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right if you are not married. Listen to me. God never designed single people to navigate romance alone. Parents and wise authority figures are not obstacles and barriers in your way. They are umbrellas that shield you from the things that fall on your head and hurt you.
Because these wise authority figures have lived longer. They were 17, 18 and 19, 26, 27 and 28 and 51 and 52 and 53 before you were ever any of those ages. That means they've seen more, they have suffered more, and they learned more. Here's what modern dating teaches. It sounds like one of those rap songs from Will Smith from the late 1980s.
Parents just don't understand.
They're annoying. This is my life. They need to back off. Is that a godly attitude? Yes or no?
Okay, but the scripture says that God protects us through parental authority, whether they're Christians or not. Before entering a romantic relationship, wise young adults always invite their parents to be involved. If you're wise, they welcome counsel and they seek blessing. And here's why you tell me this is true or false. Let's take teenagers.
When two teenagers fall in love, everyone's on their best behavior. Isn't that true? It's a big old fat lie. Here's what I want you to think I'm like. And a facade is created.
On the outside, everything looks nice and professional and clean. On the other side, it's just a bunch of two by fours propping up something that's not real. Which means this dating hides reality. That's why God gives us parents. Because parents can see what infatuation cannot see.
Young ladies, how does he treat his mother?
Young men, how does she treat her? Her father? Because how he treats his mother and how she treats her father is a preview of what it's going to be like when you get married. Modern dating encourages independence from your parents and independence from God. It makes you autonomous.
I will make all these decisions myself. I'll get a mate, I'll get a boyfriend. I'll get a girlfriend. And then I'll come announce to everybody the decision I made. And I dare you to challenge me.
Well, look, God's going to take every one of your dares. It minimizes parental authority. Well, Pastor, what if my parents are no longer living? Or what if I'm old? I'm old and I'm adult now.
And I don't really consult with my parents on these things. I go, look, in your local church are men and women of wisdom who are filled with the spirit of God, who are older than you. You. And you're a fool if you don't go ask them. Tell me what I don't see.
What am I missing?
It minimizes parental authority. Hey, I'll help you. Come to your pastor. Pastor, should I date this guy? Real simple.
I'm not even making a joke out of this. Should I date that guy? Hold on. Let me call his pastor.
Let me call his pastor and ask him, what ministries does this guy do in your church? He'll go, I don't even know that guy. Guy. But he told me he was a Christian. All right, I want to get ahead of myself.
Here's point number two. It violates biblical separation. This is teaming up against God and against faith and against the Holy Spirit. It's the team up violating biblical separation.
Friends, did you know that the scriptures limit who we can become close to? The Scripture limits who can be your trusted confidant, especially romantically. Let me give you two categories of people who are off limits for you to date. Are you ready? Number one.
Non Christians.
But she's pretty. Doesn't matter. God made women beautiful non Christians. 2nd Corinthians 6, 4. Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.
God thinks we're so dumb and so unwise that he says, let me talk to you as if you're livestock. A yoke is a big wooden contraption that holds the necks of two oxen so that they will plow in the same direction. You're yoked with somebody that's Your partner, he can't go anywhere. You can't. You just gotta go where the master says.
Problem is when you're unequally yoked, there's two masters. There's Satan and God. Just doesn't work.
If you married a non Christian. If you married a non Christian, you sinned when you did it. But God would never tell you to divorce. He would say, now you need to win your spouse. That make sense?
Non Christians are off limits. You go, okay, pastor. Got that? Here's the second category. Here's the one that I see disrupting things.
Rebellious Christians. You don't get to date them either. What's a rebellious Christian? 2nd Thessalonians 3. 6.
Withdraw from every brother. The gender doesn't matter here. It means every. Every believing brother, or every brother or sister. Withdraw from every brother who walks disorderly.
The apostle Paul tells the Thessalonian Church, if you have people in your congregation that have been baptized and they've confessed their faith in Jesus and they're walking in the world and they're walking in rebellion to God, and they don't care about spiritual things, you don't need to be close friends with them and certainly not date them. They're going to point you to the world and not God. Rebellious Christians. So, girls, it doesn't matter if he says, I'm a Christian. You don't need a Christian.
You need a godly man. Does that make sense? So you find out. It's like, pastor, should I date this guy? Well, he didn't go to our church.
Let me call his pastor. If I called his pastor and his pastor says, oh, that's where he's been. He found a girl in your church. We've been missing him because we depend on him. He serves the Lord and he's here every Sunday, and he has a ministry.
We see evidence of faith and I'll go, congratulations, you found a godly person you should date. Because there are other Christians who can vouch for his or her testimony. Does that make sense? Don't fall for the magic words. Look for the authentic life.
It violates biblical separation. When believers date people who don't pursue Christ, they almost always spiritually decline. They go the other way. And here's what happens. Affections that were meant for God, love for God, concern for God, adoring God, they take all those affections and they place them on the boyfriend or the girlfriend.
So now you've stolen from God to give to someone else. Here's a great verse. For those who are still young and dating. Ecclesiastes 12:1. Remember now, your creator in the days of your youth.
See, God expects young people to follow him. Amen. Not like, well, when you get finished with school and you get through with college, then you can get serious about God. Oh, no, you remember your creator in the days of your youth. Youth.
Young season is meant to be a season of pursuing God, not replacing God.
Modern dating often does the opposite. It attaches young hearts to another young heart who becomes their emotional center. Well, who's supposed to be your emotional center center? Well, God is what happens when a young believer goes that route. They always stop going to church as much.
Always. They stop praying. If they have any biblical convictions, they compromise them and they begin to erode. You want to know why? Because no one enjoys being around God while they're clinging to sin.
Dating someone who pulls you away from Christ is not romantic. It's spiritual rebellion. It's cheating on God. It violates biblical separation number three. This is heartbreaking to me.
It leads to emotional instability. I call this the breakup.
Here's our attitude. When you come of age, you start dating. Get a girlfriend or your boyfriend, and you know it's not going to last. I mean, you're in seventh grade, it's like not going to last past fifth period. Remember this?
But the idea is, okay, you get a girlfriend, you get a boyfriend, you break up. Okay, that didn't work. You get another one, you go steal your best friend's boyfriend. And now you've lost your boyfriend and your best friend friend. And.
But look, you gotta. So then your mom comes and goes, oh, honey, it's a breakup. It happens to all of us. It's just normal friends. God didn't expect that to be normal.
Let me talk to you about this for a second. Breakups are often treated like normal rites of passage, but they are not harmless. They create deep emotional bonds before the appropriate times, and then they tear them apart. You know what modern dating does? It produces a series of little mini divorces.
Every breakup forms a bond and rips it apart. And it trains that young person's heart to treat this deep connection with another person as temporary and disposable. I can throw it away and go to the next one. No wonder when they get in marriage and it gets hard, they go, I'm just going to divorce you. I know how this goes because I broke up with my boyfriend and I got another one after that.
It leads to emotional instability. Over time, that cycle builds emotional scar tissue, and that makes it harder for that person to Trust anyone. It makes it. When they're attached to someone, they always feel shaky and insecure, and it makes commitment more fragile. In other words, what was meant to prepare someone for a lifelong covenant instead conditions them to believe my romantic relationships are eventually going to end.
You know What Galatians chapter 6, verse 7 says? Whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. And if you sow these little breakups, if you sow these little mini divorces, and you're like, I'm just gonna go from the next boy to the next boy, from the next gal to the next gal, you're gonna reap that in life. When it gets really important and wonder why nothing works for you, you're just doing what you practiced. It leads to emotional instability.
God designed emotional bonding for marriage. Let me say that again. God designed emotional bonding for marriage. Dating repeatedly forms and then breaks bonds. And so the heart learns a dangerous pattern.
Attach, detach, attach to the next one, detach, attach to the next one, detach. And then later in marriage, that same instability resurfaces. God never designed romantic relationships to rehearse heartbreak. It leads to emotional instability. It teaches you that breakups are normal.
No, they're not. They're just the outworking of a rebellious heart. Number four. Modern dating promotes sexual impurities.
It promotes it. I call this the hookup. Modern dating puts two people with strong sexual desires and raging hormones alone, together, unaccountable, emotionally attached to each other, in physical proximity to each other, and says, be pure, honor God. Good luck.
What could possibly go wrong? Let me give you a snapshot of where we are in our culture now. We're in a totally different place than the last time I preached any kind of message like this seven years ago. Researchers. The most modern research, Christian and non Christian on dating, says that teenagers today are having less sexual intercourse than previous generations.
And we go, well, that's good. But at the same time, they're being exposed to more sexual perversion than ever before. The Centers for disease control, the CDC, reports that now only about 3 in 10 high school students have had sex. The ultimate sex act. That's the lowest we have on record.
But research also shows that over 70% of teenagers are not only exposed to pornography. A majority of Generation Z. Do you know who Generation Z is? They're the most important generation for the future of America Right Now. They're ages 14 to 29.
The majority of Generation Z say that sending or receiving explicit images on their phone is a common thing that happens to them every day. Naked pictures of Their friends or their boyfriends or their girlfriends come to them on their phones almost every day. This generation may be delaying sexual intercourse, but they are not avoiding sexual activity. There's more of that. They're growing up in a culture saturated with it.
Less physical activity sexually, more mental, visual and digital sexuality. Are you surprised to hear this? Yes or no? And that shapes habits long before marriage even enters the picture. This is what scripture calls defrauding.
Here's the biblical definition of defrauding. In this context, it's stirring up desires you cannot righteously satisfy. This is what modern dating does. It stirs up desires that you cannot righteously satisfy. It is promoting sexual immorality and impurity.
Friends, sexual desire is a gift from God. Do we agree? But outside marriage, acting on it or stirring it up becomes sin. You know what second Timothy, chapter 2, verse 22 says? Flee youthful lusts.
Three words. The verb is flee, the adjective is youthful, and the object of that preposition is lust. The predicate nominative. We're going back to grammar school. See, when the Bible says flee youthful lusts and you look at modern dating, modern dating does the opposite.
It runs toward youthful lusts.
God's command is not see how close you can get, it's run the other direction.
Young ladies, did you know that three times in the Song of Solomon, God says to the girls, do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. Another version says, do not awaken love until it's time, until the appropriate time. It's interesting to me. I was thinking about it this week. God says that to the girls.
He's saying, girls, you have the capacity and the ability to keep all these sexual desires from these boys. You know, not stirred up, that you have a role to play. It's not just the filthy old boys. This is a two way street.
Do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. Doesn't modern day stir up and awaken love too early?
You know what happens when it's stirred up and awakened after that? Here's the aftermath. Hearts are devastated, purity is lost and regret always follows.
Let me give you a guy illustration. Woody Hayes, famous football coach in the 20th century for the Ohio State Buckeyes. He really only just wanted to do three cloud, you know, three yards in a cloud of dust and run the football every down. He didn't like to throw it and somebody asked him about that. Why don't you throw forward passes more, Coach Hayes?
And he said, here's the reason. When you throw a forward pass in a football game, only three things can happen and two of them are back. Bad. You can throw a pass and your receiver drops it and it's incomplete. That's a failure.
You can throw a forward pass and the other team intercepts it. That's a disaster. Or you can throw a forward pass and your teammate catches it and you get a first down. That's good. When you throw a forward pass, only three things are possible and two of them are bad.
The same is true in modern day dating.
In modern dating, only three things can happen in general and two of them are bad. Number one, they become sexually involved before marriage. That's sinful. Number two, they break up and have their hearts broken. That's tragic and avoidable.
That's bad. Or number three, they get married and they honor God. That's good. Modern dating, only three things can happen and two of them are bad. Why are you saying this, Pastor?
Well, listen to me. When a system consistently delivers damage two out of three times, it's time to question the system.
Well, Pastor, is there a better way? Thank you for asking.
Let me close the message with a better way way. Friends, instead of copying the world's model, scripture gives us a different path. Some of you are going to go, oh, that sounds good. Others, you're going to go, that guy's crazy. I'm not doing that.
But maybe two or three of you, maybe two or three of you are going to hear this better way and go, I'm now going to adopt this method on finding a romantic partner to marry.
Number one, focus first on becoming godly. Here's the new way. Matthew 6:33. Jesus says, Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.
Focus first on becoming godly. A whole lot of your dating relationships going well depends on you and your walk with God.
So as one guy said, don't focus on finding someone, focus on becoming someone.
How do you do that, Pastor? Pursue Christ, grow in grace, walk in holiness, serve God. Listen to me. Character matters more than chemistry. Well, I just got a real good chemistry with that guy.
We hit it off. He's not a Christian. His character is what's going to matter in five years. The chemistry is what matters in the next five weeks. How do you know this?
Well, Jesus, God said that a godly wife is this way. Proverbs 31, 30. Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing. You know what? Charm plus beauty is chemistry.
Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing. But a woman who fears the Lord, she Shall be praised.
Character matters. Focus first on becoming godly. Proverbs 19:14. A prudent wife is from the Lord. I know you've asked God for things that are important in your life, but guys, have you asked him for a wise wife?
Imagine God saying no to that question that you asked him. God, will you give me a wise wife? If I begin to pursue you and do this differently, would you give me a wise wife? No, I won't do that. You got the wrong God.
God says he does it. Many believers discover that spouse. Where do you find a spouse like this? Serving Christ faithfully in the local church. God will give you new eyes.
And some of you are going to look up and go, she was there the whole time. I just had the wrong criteria and priorities. Am I taking this too far?
Number two, honor wise authority.
Ephesians 6:2 says, Honor your father and your mother. I said it earlier. Parents are a safety net of wisdom and experience. And if you don't have parents left, there's godly men and women in your church. Go become a counseled person.
You trust yourself too much.
To honor your parents or honor wise authority figures means this welcoming their oversight. Bring your mom and dad, or bring a wise authority figure into your decision making of who you're going to pursue and date. So you welcome their oversight. You ask for their counsel. Hey, here's what I was thinking.
What do you think? And number three, you value their blessing. Okay, I think I'm going to do this. What do you think? Well, if it was me, I wouldn't do it.
I'm going to love you, but I wouldn't do it. You're not getting blessing that way, and it's okay. You ought to see that as God saying, tap the brakes. You want their blood blessing. Number three, treat one another as family.
What if I told you the apostle Paul had this in mind? And he says, I'm going to speak to the young adults that are Christians in local churches, and here's how I'm going to tell them to treat members of the opposite sex. First Timothy 5:1:2. He says, you treat the younger men as brothers and you treat the younger women as sisters with all purity. So here's the guideline.
You go on a date with a guy or a girl, you don't do anything with that person you wouldn't do with your brother or your sister. Ew, gross. Exactly. It's a guardrail with all purity. He says, before marriage, she's your sister.
Before marriage, he's your brother. If he loves God, and he loves you. He will protect your purity. Ladies. He will not take it.
He will not say, if you love me, you'll let me. You should always respond to that with, if you loved me, you wouldn't have asked. It's defrauding.
Number four. Spend time in group settings.
Some of you are alone with your boyfriend or girlfriend 10 times the amount of time you're alone with God. And it shows the more alone time you have with God, the more group social settings you will value and pursue. Now listen to me. Isolation is where temptation grows the strongest. And Satan loves secrecy.
He loves what's hidden. But you know what wisdom loves. Wisdom loves accountability. And accountability is right out in the open. Spend time in group settings.
When you spend time with other believers, that includes friends and families and church groups. It creates an environment of holiness and safety and what everybody wants to be. Maturity. This is what mature people do. Scripture warns us about trusting our own flesh.
You are not suspicious enough of the sinful nature inside you. If you look up all the time and you're alone with your romantic partner and you're not married, here's what Romans chapter 7, verse 18 says. I know that in me, Paul writes, that is in my flesh. In my sin nature, nothing good dwells.
You see, spiritual strength is not seeing how close you can get to temptation. Spiritual strength is avoiding the danger altogether. Spend time in group settings. And number five, and lastly, here's a house. Move towards marriage on purpose.
Intentionally. Friends. Instead of casual dating, relationships can move through intentional stages. Let me give you four intentional stages. Number one.
It starts with friendship. I don't know how many in junior high or high school girls that I wanted to be my girlfriend, that I was not their friend before I was their boyfriend. And then the breakup happened three periods later or three weeks later. It was always bad. We weren't even friends.
And now we're enemies because of the breakup. Does that make sense? So friendship. Simply getting to know one another in a healthy Christian environment. Don't skip step one.
Number two. And here's the one most of the world rejects. And I say it's the most important one. Courtship. That's an old word that means I'm dating on purpose.
I'm not alone with her. I'm not alone with him. I've got parents around. I've got Christian leaders around. Around.
I'm doing it in groups. And everybody knows we are being very careful. I'm courting you. I'm not dating you. I told you three weeks ago or four weeks ago when we started the series that in modern America today, the word dating means who you're having sex with, not who you're going to the movies with.
Courtship. Just change the term. It's a serious, accountable relationship. Exploring whether marriage may be God's way. Will Pastor.
This sounds awful. Christian and religious. Yeah, you need a big dose of this. Number three. After courtship comes engagement.
In the Bible, it's called betrothal. This was Mary and Joseph, a confirmed commitment to marry. If you get engaged and you break off the engagement, it almost feels like a divorce. That's how serious it is and how far along you get. Get there.
Some folks will start an engagement right at friendship and never get to courtship. And then after engagements, marriage, a lifelong covenant between a man and a woman. For the glory of God. You should have. Amen.
That marriage is a lifelong covenant. Amen. Between a man and a woman. Amen. For the glory of God.
Amen. Let me tell you about Micah and Holly Wakefield, Norm's son. When I was talking to Norm about this, hey, I'm gonna do a sermon on dating. I need some illustrations. He goes, well, I have one.
He goes, this is my son's story. I was like, tell me. I've never heard anything like this in my life. Micah, godly man, doing missions, single, early 20s. And every summer, he's in Mexico, and he's staying there.
But these groups are coming in, and they're building houses as missionary work. And as these groups come in, it's Christian girls. I mean, Christian girls that go on missionary trips. That's the kind you think. My dating pool is this.
And he sees her. He sees Holly for the first time in 1998. And then in 1999, he goes, you know something about that girl? And the Holy Spirit says, I think I picked her out for you. I want you to know that.
And so from 1999 to 2003, he almost had zero to do with Holly. Every time she came to Mexico, look, they taught the children's ministry together because they were both fluent in Spanish. And when it was over, he just wouldn't look at her, and he would not interact with her. He's like, lord, I want these boundaries. Basically, he treated Holly the way he treated all the other girls from America coming in.
There was no difference. She thought he was rude.
All right? As the years go by, every time he sees her, he's praying, God, would you save Holly from me if this is your will? But then he notices all the other guys are noticing Holly too. So finally, he couldn't stand it anymore. And he goes to his dad and he says, dad, it's time for me to go buy the car.
And he's like, what do you mean? He goes, well, holly's the car, and the ministry field out here is the car lot. And all these guys keep looking into the window and thinking, I want to take this car for a test drive. I can't take it anymore. I need to go buy the car.
He says, well, you're going to have to go talk to her dad. So he goes and talks to her dad, and he gets her dad's blessing. And then he goes and invites her on a date and says, can we go out and get to know each other? And she goes, but before that happened, her sister and her walked by, and she saw Micah in there talking to her. And her sister goes, you know what's happening, right?
And she says, what? She says, that boy in there is talking to dad and getting his permission to ask you out on a date. She goes, well, I guess I'm going to break his heart today because he's rude and mean, and he hasn't talked to me in four years. So somehow he gets the nerve up. And he says, your dad gave me permission.
I'd like to take you out to coffee and get to know you. And she says, why are you so mean and rude? He said, I just wanted to create good boundaries. I think God might be bringing us together. So they go and they begin a courtship.
Then they get married. And on the night they get married, after the marriage is over, Micah hands her his journal that he had been keeping every day since he was 12 years old. It's all typed out. And he says, this is my journal for the last nine years. This is my life.
This is who I am.
I've been keeping it for you so that when we got married, you would know who and what I'm like and who I love. It was 900 pages long. That was the gift.
He got his car, and she got a spiritual leader. See, there's a different way. And it starts with the right boundaries and trusting the spirit of God to do it differently. This approach protects hearts, it honors families, and it places Christ at the center. Friends, the real issue isn't dating.
The real issue is this. Do you believe God is wiser than your feelings? Bow for prayer. Today, Father, I pray for an anointing and a power and a freedom and a liberty from the spirit of God to rest on those in this room who are not married and who have so desperately longed to be God. I pray you would bring them a mate like you brought Angie to me.
I pray you'd bring them a mate like you brought Holly to Micah God would you do it for your glory and would you protect these that are dating and single God give them great marriages in Jesus name and a faith filled church said amen. Let's stand together. I want to remind you to write the name of your one on this card. Get a did you get one of these invite cards on the way out into the mission field? You go.
Love you guys. Prayer ministry team come forward quickly. Almost forgot we don't want to salsa. It's important that you get prayed for today. Today if you don't know what to be prayed for come forward and say look pray whatever the holy spirit puts on your heart.
We're going to open these prayer lines for anyone and everyone. Love you guys. And we are dismissed.

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