KEEPING THE FIRE IN THE FIREPLACE

Broken Bedrooms

KEEPING THE FIRE IN THE FIREPLACE – Sexual Needs Within Marriage

1 Corinthians 7:2-5

Intro: Let me ask you a question most people don’t expect to hear in church. What if one of the greatest threats to modern marriages is not adultery…but quiet, growing distance? Not an affair. Not a dramatic collapse. But a slow drift where intimacy fades—and nobody talks about it. There’s a term for it—sexless marriage. Researchers define it as a couple being intimate fewer than ten times a year. And somewhere between 15 and 20 percent of marriages fall into that category. And here’s what should get our attention: That number doesn’t drop much among people who identify as Christians. There are couples sitting in church every Sunday who love each other, are committed to each other… and yet something important has quietly gone missing. It doesn’t happen suddenly. Life gets busy. Kids take over. Work gets heavy. Energy runs low. Tension goes unresolved. And over time, couples who once pursued each other start living more like roommates managing life than husband and wife building a marriage. Everything still looks intact on the outside. But something essential is crumbling on the inside. And because nobody talks about it, a lot of people assume it’s normal. But the Bible does not treat intimacy in marriage as optional. God speaks about it clearly, wisely, and even joyfully. So today we’re going to look at three truths Scripture gives us about intimacy within marriage.

 

1. DESIRE WAS DESIGNED.

 

God created sexual desire for marriage. Before Paul tells married couples what to do, he explains why marriage exists.

 

1 Cor 7:2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.

 

“Because of sexual immorality…” In other words, because desire is strong, because temptation is present, because the world is not neutral—God designed marriage as the place where that desire is rightly and safely expressed.

 

Marriage is not just companionship. It is God’s provision. It is God’s protection. It is God’s design.

 

“Let each man have his own wife… and each woman her own husband.” That’s covenant language. Exclusive. Personal. Committed. Not shared. Not casual. Not temporary.

 

God didn’t create desire and then leave people to figure it out. He created desire—and then created marriage as the place where that desire belongs.

 

Now once you understand that— once you understand that marriage is God’s design and provision for desire— Paul takes the next step. He moves from: “Here’s why marriage exists” to: “Here’s how it functions inside the covenant.”

 

1 Cor 7:3 “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.”

 

That phrase “affection due” is striking—you could also say conjugal rights (ESV), marital duty (NIV), sexual needs (NLT).

 

Paul is now saying: Inside the place God designed…there is a responsibility to care for one another.

 

Intimacy is not optional affection that appears when conditions are perfect. It is not earned. It is part of the mutual care God designed for husbands and wives. It must not be something couples reluctantly tolerate. God expects us to cultivate it.

 

2. DELIGHT IS INTENDED.

 

God designed intimacy in marriage to be enjoyed, not endured.

 

Be careful: If all we hear is responsibility, we’ll miss something important. God doesn’t just command intimacy in marriage…He celebrates it.

 

How Did God Design Intimacy to Work?

 

Prov 5:15 “Drink water from your own cistern, and running water from your own well.”

 

In the ancient world, water meant life. It was protected. It was guarded. It was not shared casually.

 

When Solomon uses this imagery, he’s saying something very clear: Your spouse is your well. Your spouse is your fountain.

 

Your spouse is your source. Not someone else’s. Not public. Not borrowed.

 

Prov 5:16 “Should your fountains be dispersed abroad, streams of water in the streets?”

 

Why take something valuable and pour it into the street? Why take something sacred and treat it like it’s common? Sex outside of covenant is wasted water. Contained water gives life. Scattered water is wasted.

 

Then Solomon shifts from warning… to joy.

 

Prov 5:18–19 “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth… let her… satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love.”

 

Rejoice. Satisfy. Enraptured. God is not embarrassed by passion inside the covenant. He created it. Inside marriage, desire is not sinful. It is sanctified.

 

What Does Intimacy Look Like Inside Marriage?

 

Song of Songs 1:2 “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—For your love is better than wine.”

 

Song of Songs 2:16 “My beloved is mine, and I am his.”

 

That is covenant language. Sex in marriage is not: “I want something from you.” It is: “I belong to you.”

 

Let me ask you a different kind of question. Not just: “How is my marriage doing?” But: How does Jesus want to love my spouse?

 

Think about that for a moment. How does Jesus treat you? Is He distant? Is He cold? Is He distracted? Does He ignore you?

 

He does not withdraw from you. He does not give you leftovers. He pursues you. He cares for you. He gives Himself to you.

 

Now take that one step further. How does Jesus want to love my spouse through me?

 

If you belong to Christ…He lives in you. And marriage is one of the primary places where that becomes visible.

 

How can I say, “Christ lives in me”… and consistently withhold from my spouse something God says is part of loving them?

 

How can I reveal to my spouse that they are loved…if I am distant, disengaged, or unwilling to give him/her the one thing only I can satisfy for them?

 

God didn’t design this part of marriage to be endured—He designed it to be enjoyed.

 

3. NEGLECT IS DANGEROUS.

 

1 Cor 7:4 “The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”

 

This is one of the most countercultural statements in the New Testament.

 

Paul says: Your body is not just yours anymore. It belongs—within the covenant—to your spouse.

 

In other words: Marriage is not “my body, my choice.” It’s: “Our bodies, our responsibility.”

 

And notice how balanced this is. In a male-dominated culture, Paul says: the husband has responsibility to the wife, and the wife has responsibility to the husband. Equal. Mutual. Shared. Marriage is not about taking. It’s about giving yourself to the other person.

 

Eph 5:21 “Submitting to one another in the fear of God.”

 

In marriage, your body is not a weapon to use… or a resource to withhold—it’s a gift to give.

 

The Boundaries God Sets

 

1 Cor 7:5 “Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

 

There are four guardrails here.

 

1. It must be mutual

 

“Do not deprive one another except with consent”

 

Not one person deciding. Not one person withholding. Both agree. Marriage is not one person controlling the relationship.

 

2. It must be temporary

 

“For a time.”

 

Not open-ended. Not indefinite. There is a clear return. Because the relationship is meant to be maintained—not paused.

 

3. It must be for a spiritual purpose

 

“…that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer.”

 

Not punishment. Not frustration. Not emotional distance. But intentional focus on God. Even then—it’s temporary.

 

4. It must be taken seriously

 

“…and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

 

That’s blunt. Paul is saying: If you ignore this…you are making your marriage vulnerable. Not just emotionally. Spiritually.

 

Satan is not passive about marriages. He watches for distance. He watches for frustration. He watches for disconnection. And when he sees it—He attacks.

 

1 Pet 5:8 “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.”

 

Marriage is one of his favorite targets. If this area of your marriage is consistently neglected, it is a warning sign.

 

illus: Wives, I want to speak to you plainly for a moment. One of the most destructive shifts that can happen in a marriage
is when your husband is no longer first. Children are a gift from God. They matter. They require sacrifice. But you are not one flesh with your children. You are one flesh with your husband. That bond is unique. It is exclusive. And it is meant to be primary. The best way to be a good parent is to be a great spouse who creates an amazing marriage. The blessing of that strong marriage cascades over the children. Do you know why so many divorces happen not three years into marriage, but around ages 55-60? The marriage begins well and the husband and wife are blessing each other sexually. Then children arrive and she prioritizes them over the husband. The children get the best: best energy, best attention, best emotional investment. And the husband starts getting what’s left. Sometimes it even gets said out loud: “He knows his place—the kids come first.” That may sound normal. But it’s foolish and unbiblical. And over time, it is destructive. When a husband consistently receives leftovers, he feels it. Maybe he doesn’t say it clearly. But he feels replaced. Overlooked. Unwanted. Unimportant. And when that happens, he adapts. He stops pursuing. He withdraws. He redirects his energy somewhere else: Work. Hobbies. Distractions. Sometimes rebelliously into another woman. And now something subtle—but serious—has happened. You’re still living together. Still raising kids. Still functioning as a family. But the marriage itself is disintegrating. It may not explode early. It may show up later. When the kids are gone. The house gets quiet. And two people who spent years orbiting their children look at each other and realize: They never protected what God joined together. Let me say this as clearly as I can. Your husband is not competing with your children. He is the foundation of the home they are growing up in. The best way to be a great mother is to be a devoted, attentive, affectionate wife. So here is the issue. It’s not whether you love your children.

Of course you do. The question is: Are you giving your husband what belongs to him? Or is he living on what’s left after everything else gets your best? Wives, the way you use your body, the way you give your energy, the way you present yourself in the marriage—

it communicates something. Let it communicate this: No human relationship is more important to me than my covenant with my husband.

 

When intimacy disappears, temptation moves in.

 

Couples should occasionally ask: Have we allowed stress and schedules to crowd out intimacy? Have we become partners in logistics instead of husband and wife? Has unresolved conflict created distance? Have we unintentionally begun withholding affection?

 

For husbands: intimacy often grows from emotional connection. For wives: physical closeness often communicates love and reassurance. Both spouses serve the marriage by nurturing sexual intimacy.

 

Conclusion: Now listen carefully. In this room, there are different realities.

 

Some of you are doing well. Guard it. Don’t drift.

 

Some of you are drifting. Nothing dramatic—but something is fading. God is not condemning you. He’s calling you back.

 

Some of you are struggling. There’s tension. There’s hurt. Maybe this area of your marriage feels broken.

 

Hear this clearly: God is not against you. He wants to put it all back together by grace and restore your marriage.

 

This will not fix itself. What you neglect today will shape your marriage tomorrow.

 

If you’re married, quietly bring your marriage before the Lord. No pressure. Just honesty.

 

“Lord, You designed this… and we need Your help.”

 

If there’s hurt: “Heal what’s broken.”

 

If there’s drift: “Bring us back.”

 

If things are strong: “Help us guard what You’ve given us.”

 

 

--------------  Transcription ----------------

Find First Corinthians, chapter seven in your Bibles. It's way back there in your New Testament, First Corinthians, chapter seven. And as we're getting ready to do part three of our series, Broken Bedrooms, first I want to say about being on a ministry team in our church. Our membership has agreed together to serve in one service and engage in the other.
We have two on Sundays and what we're saying is, hey, I want to serve the Lord on a ministry team. That's one of the best places I can find my people. And I want to be busy serving the Lord with gladness at either 9 o' clock or 11. And the other one, I want to be in this room, room. And I want to serve myself in this room.
I want to engage in all the ordinary means of grace, the Lord's table and the prayers and the songs and the preaching and all that we do to present ourselves before the Lord. We said, hey, you need one of those services where you can do that without distraction. And the other one, you can help us out. Now look, it takes an army of people to pull off the ministry that our church has decided to do together. And we have an army.
But look, there's always room for more and there's never enough. And so I have I make no apology in saying to you, will you serve the Lord with us? Give a little effort and inconvenience yourself a little bit and kind of say, lord, on the Lord's day, I'm going to be busy serving and engaging and receiving. So by the way, being on a ministry team is fun and you're not going to believe how awesome these people are around you. So, so join a ministry team today.
Started this four part series a few weeks ago, but I wrote it months ago and all because of this sermon right here. Sermon number three in the Broken Bedroom series is why I built the whole thing, because of What I was constantly hearing and counseling and seeing in the culture and in our church so today is keeping the fire in the fireplace. Sexual needs within marriage. So look, you're either married or one day you will be more than likely. So this sermon is for everybody.
And I think because the scriptures are universal, you're going to see why. I'm going to read verses 2 through 5 of First Corinthians, chapter 7. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does.
And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body. Body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except with consent for a time that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self control. I promise you that's the word of God the Lord. Let's pray together.
Holy Spirit, I ask you to come do your difficult work, your awkward work, your piercing work, whatever it takes to rescue marriages that are secretly on the brink of disaster in this room. I pray God that you'll plant seeds today in the hearts of young people and the unmarried so that they will avoid these pitfalls when they do unite with a spouse. Father, come and bring your searchlight and do surgery today. In Jesus name and a faith filled church said Amen. Let me ask you a question most people don't expect to hear in church.
What if one of the greatest threats to modern marriages is not adult? We preached on adultery last week. But what if it's the absence of intimacy inside the marriage itself? By that I don't always mean an affair or not always a dramatic collapse. I'm talking about sometimes quiet distance and then other times not quiet at all.
Sometimes on purpose and intentional. One spouse wants physical intimacy, the other refuses it. What should be shared becomes withheld. What should unite begins to divide. And over time, the marriage doesn't explode as much as it starves.
There's a term for for it that the secular world coined. It's called sexless marriage. Researchers define it as a couple being intimate fewer than 10 times in a year. So less than once a month. And sadly, somewhere between 15 and 20% of the marriages polled and surveyed fall into this category of sexless marriage.
And here's what should get our attention. When you bring that same research into the church, the numbers don't change. 15 to 20%. 1 out of 5. There are couples sitting in the congregation every Sunday who have promised to love each other, and they did so in public.
Paid a lot of money for the ceremony, more than likely, and there were witnesses. And yet something important has quietly gone missing.
And it doesn't happen suddenly. You know, this life gets busy and kids move into the corner office and take over and work gets heavy and energy runs low and tensions go unresolved. And over time, married couples who once pursued each other start living more like roommates, managing life rather than husband and wife building a union. Everything still looks intact on the outside, but something essential is crumbling on the inside. And because nobody talks about it and you don't hear sermons about it, and many people just assume that's normal.
But the Bible does not treat intimacy in a marriage as optional.
You would think this would be the sermon where men just say amen after every breath. You know what I mean?
God speaks clearly, wisely and joyfully about sexual intimacy inside marriage. So today, today we're going to look at three different truths as my outline that the scripture gives us about intimacy within marriage. Buckle your seatbelt.
Number one. If I'm understanding this text correctly, and I think I do, desire was designed.
God thought this up and he did a really good job with this. God created sexual desire for marriage. And before. The APostle Paul in First Corinthians tells couples what to do, he explains why marriage exists. One of the many reasons.
First Corinthians, chapter 7, verse 2, nevertheless. The reason this verse starts with nevertheless is because. First Corinthians, chapter 7, the apostle Paul is answering questions this church wrote to him about. And one of the questions was, hey, what about marriage? We're beginning to think that marriage is unspiritual and we should just get rid of it in the church.
Kid you not. That was the idea was on the table. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality. I told you last week that the Greek word for sexual immorality is porneia. And it is a big catch all for all kinds of sexual sin, meaning any kind of sexual activity between people that are not married.
Because there's so much of that. Let each man have his own wife and let each woman have her own husband. That would have been a very shocking verse to the system. Most of the Corinthian Christians, they were brand new in the faith. They were babies in the Lord.
And they lived in Corinth, which was a terrible place. What do we call Las Vegas? What kind of city sin City Las Vegas is child's play compared to ancient Corinth. So most of these men in this church that have become Christians, before they became Christians, they went and worshiped everyone week with temple prostitutes to their pagan gods. So it was easy to get the guys to go to worship in the pagan world.
You just said if you go to the temple, you get a prostitute, pay us money, and it worships God. And it's like a one stop shop.
None of them kept to their own wives. And the apostle Paul says, oh, I'm glad you asked me about marriage and sex inside marriage. It's just for you and your spouse for the rest of your life. And they're going, well, this is foreign to us. Unfortunately, in modern day America you got baby Christians and this is foreign to them because they came into the church, met Jesus out of darkness and they were living their own Corinthian age because of sexual immorality.
In other words, because God designed men with this strong desire because temptation is present and because the world is not neutral in any of this. God designed marriage as the place where that desire is rightly and safely expressed. Do you agree with this, friends? Marriage is not just companionship, it is that. It is so much more, more.
God gave you a marriage because he was providing you a safe place for all of your drives. It is God protecting you from the consequences of sinning in this way. And God gave marriage because he designed it. It's good. Let each man have his own wife.
Let each woman have her own husband. Do you see how balanced it is? That was also countercultural in first century Mediterranean world. Because ladies, if you lived in that time, in that place, you had zero rights. You weren't equal to the men unless you were in the church, unless you belong to God.
Then you're reading this from an apostle and you're going, you mean men and women are equal before? Yes, that's covenant language. And I don't know if you've noticed that language is exclusive, it is personal, it is committed. In other words, not to be shared, not to be taken casually and good night. Never to be temporary.
Unfortunately, we live in a culture where marriage is disposable and we throw it away like paper plates and we don't like it. And some of us have done it so much, it's like getting your arm wrenched out of socket. It really hurts the first time they shove it back in. It hurts a lot. But the second time, the second time it gets a little easier and it hurts a little less.
And then you just get used to having things wrenched out of you. God did not create physical desire and then leave people to figure it out by ourselves.
He created desire, and then he created marriage as the place where that desire belongs. Once you understand that, once you understand that marriage is God's design and marriage is God providing for design, Paul takes the next step. He moves from here's why marriage exists because there's so much sexual immorality to here's how it functions inside the covenant. Verse 3. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her.
In your Bible, you should circle affection due and likewise also the wife to her husband. We have 100% balance here. I want to talk to you about affection due. That's the key phrase. New King James has affection due.
The English Standard version has conjugal rights.
The new international version has marital duty.
The new living translation has sexual needs. Well, Pastor, which one is it? It's all of them. You ought to be able, with that range of translating those words, figure out what he's talking about. Paul is now saying, inside the place that God designed.
Listen to me. There's a responsibility to care for each other in the matter of affection, conjugal rights, marital duty, and sexual needs. It is not multiple choice.
Remember, we started by defining sexless marriages. Intimacy is not optional affection that you can expect to happen when the conditions are right. It's not earned when he's better as a husband. To me, it is part of the mutual care God designed for husbands and wives. It must not be something that couples reluctantly tolerate.
God expects us to cultivate this like a garden and pull the weeds and keep it clean and watch it grow. Desire was designed by God. And so as your husband's body reloads and regenerates and you're like, when is this ever going to stop? You should say, God, did you design this to stop? And he says, well, one day you're all going to die.
One day you're going to get older. One day things are going to slow down. But if you're looking for that, it is a key, it is a hint, it's a clue that you need to rejuvenate, reset your marriage.
Desire was designed by God number two. And when he designed it, he intended it for delight. Delight is intended. Can I tell you? God designed intimacy in marriage to be enjoyed, not endured.
You can get better at this. It's for joy, not endurance. Be careful. If all you hear in this sermon is responsibility, you're going to miss something important. God doesn't just command intimacy in Marriage, so that now you have something to obey or disobey.
Obey. He celebrates it.
So how did God design intimacy to work? Look, a great text in the Bible on all of this is Proverbs 5, and it's Solomon writing to his sons about, here's what it means to be a man and a loving man to your husband. Proverbs 5:15. Drink water from your own cistern, and running water from your own well. I remind you, the context of this is marital love.
First of all, God says you should drink. I made you thirsty, I gave you desire, and it's right to drink. Drink water, though, from your own cistern. A cistern is just a big vat that held the water that you pumped from the well. Drink water from your own cistern.
Running water from your own well. The running water part means it's always clean and fresh. In the ancient world, water meant life. It was indispensable. And Solomon is telling his sons, look, you really can't live without this.
By the way, let me stop right here and say I am not dealing with physical exceptions to the rules that I'm talking about today. And so if you have. If you have some physical issues, your doctor and all that, you might be an exception. But if you are, you still need biblical counsel on this, because exceptions don't get to wipe away scriptural truth. But the idea is, in general, when healthy people are there, you drink water from your own sister and running water from your own well.
Water was protected, it was guarded. And listen, it was never shared casually, it wasn't sloshed around. It was sacred. When Solomon uses this imagery, he's saying something very clear. Listen, your spouse is your will.
That's where the water's found. Your spouse is your fountain. Your spouse is your source for this desire that God put in you. Not someone else's, not public, not to be shared, and for God's sakes, not to be borrowed. Well, the next verse is Proverbs 5:16.
Should your fountains your wife or your husband's marital love, should they be dispersed abroad? Streams of water in the streets. What's the answer to that question? Yes or no? It's no, right?
Why take something valuable and pour it into the street? Solomon asks, why take something sacred and treat it like it's common and waste it on the pathway? Sex outside the covenant is wasted. Water contained water gives life. Scattered water is wasted.
This is the sexual insanity of the American culture. Just wasting the water of life, sharing it, sloshing it around, treating it as if it's not important. Sowing your wild oats. Then Solomon shifts from warning, that's a good warning. And he goes, hey, look.
The opposite of that is this should be joy inside the covenant. Proverbs 5, 18 and 19. Let your fountain be blessed. Amen. Rejoice with the wife of your youth.
Let her satisfy you at all times and always be enraptured with her love. Listen to me, young person.
You're a guy or a girl. If you're a guy, God expects you to have a wife of your youth. If you're a girl, he expects you to become a wife in your youth. This whole delayed adulthood and stretching everything out for the purpose of college and university and all of that is anti God. It's anti truth.
It is only hurting you and your descendants. You need a spouse in your youth. Most people wait too long, they burn with passion and they become promiscuous because they were supposed to be married by now. The wife of your youth. And the idea is you get one when you're young and look at, look at me.
You keep her.
You're enraptured by her. You rejoice that God gave you and brought you together when you were young. And you're satisfied in that. Rejoice, satisfy, enraptured. It doesn't sound like that God is embarrassed by passion inside the covenant.
So why should we be?
You guys following this? Too much. Inappropriate at church. And look, if I don't teach you this on Sunday, what are your young people going to learn about this? And who's going to be teaching them?
The unregenerate lost people are their phone will. The number one discipler in your household is the smartphone. You ever thought about that? So I think this is important to teach. And to be clear, God's not embarrassed by passion inside the covenant.
He created it. And inside the marriage. Desire is never sinful. It is holy and sanctified. It worships God when husbands and wives come together this way as believers.
Still can't believe the men haven't started amening.
I'm coming down here. Am I myself? In a second.
What does intimacy look like? Inside marriage? I want to introduce you to a book that you don't know anything about. It's called the Song of Solomon. You need to go read it.
Especially if you're married or you're going to be married one day. You need to go read Song of Solomon and you need to see God's view of marital love and how focused and intimate and romantic an adult it is.
Song of Solomon. One, two, she says, the Shulamite woman, let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for your love is better than wine. Now, what's that talking about? You've seen the Eastern Hemisphere greet people with those side cheek kisses. You know, the Europeans do this.
And it's not mouthy, it's cheeky. Okay, look, the Shulamite woman is saying, don't you bring that cheek noise into our bedroom. You kiss me on the mouth. Amen. It's your Bible.
Then you get song of Solomon. 2:16. My beloved is mine and I am his. That's covenant language. Sex and marriage is not, I want something from you.
It's I belong to you.
Let me ask you a different kind of question. Not just how's my marriage doing, but how does Jesus want to love my spouse? Look at me. Does Jesus love your wife or your husband? Yes or no?
You're in church is the easy answer. How does he want to do it?
Think about that for a moment. How does Jesus treat you? Is he distant from you? Is he cold to you? Is he distracted from you?
Does he ignore you? You? The answer to all those questions is no. He doesn't withdraw from you. He doesn't give you leftovers.
Jesus pursues you. He cares for you. He gives himself to you. Now take that one step further. How does Jesus want to love my spouse through me?
Now you're getting it. If you belong to Christ, he lives in you. We've established this already, right? Galatians 2:20. I've been crucified with Christ.
No longer. I who live Christ lives in me. If you belong to Christ, he lives in you. And marriage is one of the primary places where that becomes visible. Your marriage should show your spouse that Jesus lives in you.
How can I separate Christ lives in me and consistently withhold from my spouse something that God says is part of loving him or her? Would Jesus ever do that?
How can I reveal to my spouse that they're loved if I'm distant? How can I reveal to my spouse they're loved if I'm disengaged? How can I reveal to my spouse that they're loved if I'm unwilling to give him or her the only thing that I can give them myself that can satisfy them? You look up and it's a hostage situation because you're married to a Christian and you know that. He said he knows he's not supposed to commit adultery.
He's not supposed to look outside the covenant, outside the marriage. He knows that you're the only one who can and it pleased God. And you say no. Now you're holding him hostage. You're saying God gave you a desire.
I'm the only one that can satisfy it. And I have decided yours doesn't get satisfied. Does that sound like Jesus living in you?
I should just rest my case and stop the sermon right there.
But I have more to say. Listen, God didn't design this part of marriage to be endured. He designed it to be enjoyed. Delight is intended. And number three, neglect is dangerous.
That's what he's going to say in verses four and five.
Neglect is dangerous. Here's verse four, the wife. I'm going to. Ladies and gentlemen, the most unfeminist verse in all the Bible. You ready?
You're going to find out how much feminism has been put in your heart. By the way, it was the first sin in the garden. It's Eve going, I got this. Watch this verse. The wife does not have authority over her own body.
Your culture teaches just the opposite. Am I wrong? The wife doesn't have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Put that on a T shirt and wear it to your ladies.
Book club.
This is one of the most countercultural statements in the New Testament. Paul says, your body is not just yours anymore. Ladies in the room, you got to swallow this one. You got to. You gotta.
It's gotta get in you and you have to go. This is true.
Your body's not yours anymore. It belongs within the covenant to your spouse and only to your spouse. In other words, marriage is not my body, my choice. It's our bodies, our responsibility.
And notice how balanced this is. It's a male dominated culture that Paul writes it, and he says, the husband has a responsibility to the wife and the wife has a responsibility to the husband. Friends, it's equal and it's mutual and it's shared. Marriage is not about taking. It's about giving yourself to the other person.
It helps us understand when Paul writes about marriage in Ephesians 5, about husbands and wives and submitting, you get to Ephesians 5, 21, and it says, submitting to one another out of the fear of the Lord. Or how does it say in the fear of God, the wife to the husband, the husband to the wife. We submit to one another. Listen to me very carefully. In marriage, your body is not a weapon to use.
It's not a resource to withhold. It's a gift to give.
Well, Pastor, are there any boundaries on this there sure are. Verse 5. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self control. I identify four guardrails in that verse alone. Let me give them to you.
Paul says, if you're going to push the pause button on your sexual relationship in your marriage, number one, it must be mutual. Do not deprive one another except with consent. I need my spouse's agreement and permission on this.
Not one person deciding, not one person withholding. Both agree. Marriage is never one person controlling the relationships. That's that hostage situation I mentioned earlier, man. I counsel a ton of those.
It must be mutual. Number two, if you're going to press the pause button on the sexual relationship in your marriage, it must be temporary for a time. Paul writes, in other words, not open ended, not indefinite, not. I'll get back with you when I'm ready to start this again. There's a clear return because the relationship is meant to be maintained, not paused.
It must be mutual, it must be temporary. Number three, it must be for a spiritual purpose. Here's where God says, if you want to take a time out, it's got to be for this that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer. Friends, if you already don't fast and you already don't pray, your spouse is not going to believe you.
Like you need to practice that first. Not punishment for your husband or your wife. Not getting on your performance treadmill and doing well. Not frustration. You don't do this for the reason of emotional distance.
You do this to intentionally focus on God. And even then it's temporary. Number four, it must be taken seriously. Listen to how he finishes this verse and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self control. That's pretty clear and blunt.
I think Paul is saying if you ignore this and you cut your spouse off, you're making your marriage vulnerable. Emotionally vulnerable, spiritually vulnerable. Vulnerable. You're daring your spouse to have an affair and then when they do, you blame them and you think you're scot free. Listen, you're gonna give an account to that.
Not before your pastor, but before God who has all the evidence and has all your thoughts and all your words and all your motives already known.
It's a mess. What's happening in marriages in the Christian church in the southeastern United States states. Satan is not passive about marriage. You believe that he has strong thoughts about your marriage. The number one being.
He aims to end your marriage.
He watches for distance to start between your husband and your wife, for frustration to surface. He watches for disconnection to a person. And when he sees it, he pounces, he attacks, he jumps. This is what a lion hiding in the weeds does. First Peter 5.
8. Be sober, be vigilant. Because your adversary, the devil, walks around like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. You have an enemy of your soul, and he intends to eat your marriage up and destroy, dispose of it.
He's fairly relentless. Marriage is one of his favorite targets. If this area of your marriage is consistently neglected, it's a warning sign. Now, look, let me tell you how preaching goes in the South. In the genteel, romantic south, the guys get beat up and the women get patted on the back.
Your Bible doesn't do that, but your culture does. Ladies, I'm not getting ready to pat you on the back. There's a Mother's Day sermon coming up in a few weeks. I'll do it then.
Some of the marriages suffer because you never hear this. Wives, I want to speak to you plainly for a moment. One of the most destructive shifts that can happen in a marriage is when your husband is no longer first.
Children are a gift from God. We all agree. Yes. Oh, you see where I'm going? You're going to talk to me.
Aren't children a gift from God? We all agree with this. Do they matter? Do they require sacrifice? Yes.
But you're not one flesh with your children.
I read the whole Bible. Not a single verse says that you're one flesh with your husband. And that bond is unique and it is exclusive, and it is meant to be primary. The best way to be a good parent is to be a great spouse who creates an amazing marriage.
The blessing, everything of that strong marriage cascades over the children. I grew up in such a great home because I watched my mom. I watched my dad love my mom, and my mom loved my dad back. And the security I lived in. I can't put a price tag on it.
Does that make sense? Look, do what my mom and dad did.
The blessed cascades over the children. Do you know why so many divorces in our culture happen not three years into the marriage, but ages 55 to 60? You know why the marriage begins? Well, the husband and wife, the husband and the wife, they're a blessing to each other sexually. They're pursuing each other.
And then the children arrives and she begins to prioritize them over the husband, husband, the children get her best. They get her best energy, they get her best attention, they get her best emotional investment. And the husband starts getting what's left.
Sometimes it even gets said out loud. Dinner parties around her girlfriends. He knows his place, the kids come first.
That may sound normal, but it's foolish and unbiblical.
And over time, it destroys. When a husband consistently receives leftovers, he feels it and he knows it. Maybe he doesn't say it clearly, but he feels replaced. And now he's kind of just a breadwinner. He's overlooked, he's unwanted, he's unimportant.
And when that happens, you know what he does? Look, he adapts.
He stops pursuing. He withdraws from her, and he redirects his energy somewhere else. Now, the Christian guys around you start with hobbies and innocent distractions. But sometimes they've been so frozen out and so starved of the desire God built for them inside the marriage, where he placed it, that he rebels and seeks out another woman. It's always wrong.
It's always sinful. I'm telling you, the dominoes that fall, that cause it to happen often. And now something subtle but serious has happened. You're still living together, you're still raising kids, you're still functioning as a family. But the marriage itself is disintegrating.
It may not explode early on. Most of the time it doesn't. It's going to show up later, though, when the kids are gone and the house gets quiet. And two people who spent years orbiting their lives around the children now look at each other and go, I don't know who you are and you don't know who I am. And we really don't care about each other anymore.
They never protected what God joined together. Let me say this as clearly as I can. Your husband is not competing with your children.
He's the foundation of the home. That's why they got his last name. And let me say this even more clearly. The best way to be a great mother is to be a devoted, attentive, affectionate wife. So here's the issue.
It's not whether or not you love your children. You do. We get it. Of course you do. The question is, are you giving to your husband what God said belongs to him, or is he living on what's left after everything else gets your best wives.
The way you use your body, the way you give your energy, the way you present yourself in the marriage always communicates something. So let it communicate this, let it communicate that. No human relationship, relationship is more important to Me than my covenant with my husband. You see, when intimacy disappears, temptation moves in. Neglect is dangerous.
Look, I think couples should occasionally ask each other out loud, have we allowed stress and schedules to crowd out intimacy? And. And have we become partners in logistics instead of husband and wife? And has unresolved conflict created distance in our love for each other? Have we unintentionally begun withholding affection from one another?
Ask those questions out loud and watch your marriage rebuild.
Now, in conclusion, listen very carefully. In this room, there are different realities. There'll be different realities in the second service. Some of you are doing well with this. Can I tell you, guard that.
Don't coast. Don't shift into autopilot in your marriage. Others of you, you've begun drifting apart. Nothing dramatic, but you can tell something is vanishing. God's not condemning you with this sermon today.
He's calling you back. Back. Bring that distance and close it for others of you. Look, you're not going to walk down the aisle today and say, it's me. You got me.
I know that it may take some days or weeks, but I'm committed to helping you in this. This sermon nailed you.
You're struggling with a sexless marriage. Marriage. There is tension between you and your spouse. There's hurt. There's lots of it.
You say, pastor, you don't know the half of it. You're right. You hadn't told me. Maybe this area of your marriage feels broken. Hear me clearly.
God's not against you. He wants to put it all back together by grace and restore your marriage.
Everybody looks. Look at me. This will not fix itself.
Time doesn't heal this one. Repentance and sometimes deliverance is what it's going to take. What you neglect today will shape your marriage and your life tomorrow. So right now, I want you to do this. If you're married, quietly bring your marriage before the Lord in just a spirit of prayer, in fact, thereby closure.
We're going to go in prayer right now. No pressure, just honesty. Just say this in your heart, not out loud. Just say, lord, you designed this and we need your help.
If there's hurt there, ask God this. Lord, would you heal what's broken?
If there's drift, would you say, lord, would you just close that distance and bring us back?
If things are strong, say this. God help us. Guard what you've given us.
You think about that. Listen, if you will, ask for it, or write me a note on a ministry card, or just see me privately. If you need more than this sermon, I suspect many of you do. Angie and I will meet with you, we'll pray for you, we'll get you some biblical counsel. This is a big deal.
And now that I preached it and said it out loud, the enemy's going to work overtime to keep what he already has. Father, help your church today. Let us be humbled by your word, in Jesus name. And the faithful church said, Thank you, Trevor.
At this time, we're going to have a baptism. And so I would like for you to help me welcome to the stage Felicity Sampson.
Now, Felicity is also a member of our praise band. And so that's the ministry team she's on. They want to come up here and support you also, Felicity. So, praise band, come on up here. And also, I want your parents and your brother, sister, if she's here.
That's Joe and Brooke Churchill, along with your brother Oliver and your sister Millie. I don't know. There's Millie. You guys come on up here also, because I want you to look behind you to realize that nobody walks alone at Great Commission Church. Thank you, Mom.
All right, so I'm not going to introduce everybody except Felicity. All right, come over here a little bit closer to me. All right, so, Felicity, you've been serving on our praise team for quite a while. I'm sure you've seen her up here. We've been blessed by you singing.
I jokingly said, hey, would you be willing to sing your testimony to us? And we decided that wouldn't be best, but nonetheless, Felicity was baptized as a very young child, probably around six. And then they end up here at GCC and then back. You're 19, right? And then several years ago, she was at camp and really had an encounter with the Lord and felt like that she came to true saving faith in the Lord Jesus.
But for some reason, baptism just didn't come up. But she thought, you know, I need to officially be a member of Great Commission Church. And so we had a membership meeting. And so we were just kind of rehearsing your timeline, and one of the team members said, so you haven't been baptized since you actually profess your saving faith in Jesus? And you were like, well, no, I haven't.
And she was quick and ready to say, well, then, hey, I want to obey Jesus and be baptized. And here we stand today, right? And so I want to ask you, Felicity, in front of the members here of Great Commission Church, are you right now trusting in the Lord Jesus Christ who have forgiven your sins, to have given you eternal life and that you believe he's your Lord? And Savior. Well, based on that, we are going to baptize you as one of his.
And so let's pray for Felicity. All right. Heavenly Father, thank you that you've worked in her heart to bring her to a point, Lord, where she sees a path of obedience to you that she wants to go through. And I pray that you would bless her as she obeys you. And, Lord, help us to be a great church family for her.
And I ask this in your name, Lord Jesus. Amen. Now, Felicity, we're getting ready to walk over here. And here, take my phone.
And when you come up out of the water, you'll be the most recent member of Great Commission Church, because that's how it works. Are you ready? All right, let's head over this way.
You okay? All right.
Her mom is going to assist Brooke Turchill.
She promised not to get too excited.
All right?
All right. Felicity. It is a great thing to know and obey the creator of the universe, who left heaven to come and die for your sins. You believe that, right? It's an amaz amazing thing.
And then he asked us to publicly illustrate our identification with him, his death, burial, and resurrection. And when you come up out of the water, you're testifying? I'm a new person. The resurrected Lord Jesus has saved me and changed my life. Are you ready to be baptized?
Well, then we baptize you in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.
All right, I'll just bring this over here with me.
We're going to close our service by first asking our prayer ministry teams to come forward. Forward. So if you're on a prayer ministry team today, you go ahead and come forward as the others take their seat.
Our prayer ministry teams have been praying all Sunday, I mean, all week, for this Sunday, asking God to use them to minister to you. Whatever your concern is physical healing, emotional healing, you're not sure, but you know you need prayer. Just come and tell them that. So with that, if you would stand, we are dismissed. Feel free to come forward for prayer ministry.
Thank you for being here today.

 

 

 

 

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Join us this Sunday at Great Commission Church for a welcoming and uplifting worship experience. If you’ve been searching for a church near you, you’ll discover a warm, authentic church family ready to help you grow in faith.

We are a family-friendly, non-denominational Christian church in Olive Branch, serving individuals and families throughout DeSoto County and the greater Mid-South. People looking for Christian churches in Olive Branch often discover a vibrant community where faith comes alive and lives are transformed through the Gospel.

Whether you’re new to faith or have followed Christ for years, you’ll find welcoming Sunday services, practical Bible teaching, and a place to belong. We are more than a congregation — we are a church family united by a mission to follow Jesus and live out the Great Commission.

A Place for the Whole Family

Families searching for a church with strong children’s programs love our engaging Kids Ministry and safe, caring environments. Students can connect through our Youth Ministry, and adults of every stage can find community through groups, prayer, and discipleship opportunities. As a multi-generational church, we love seeing every age grow in faith together.

Meaningful Worship

Experience contemporary worship with modern Christian music, heartfelt prayer, and Gospel-centered messages designed to help you encounter God personally. If you’re looking for vibrant worship near Memphis, you’ll find a place that feels both authentic and inspiring.

Grow in Your Faith

We offer Bible studies, small groups, and discipleship opportunities that help you understand and apply God’s Word to everyday life. If you’re looking for a place to grow spiritually, you’ll find support and encouragement here.

Connected to Our Community

We are passionate about serving our neighbors through outreach and local partnerships, making a positive impact in Olive Branch and beyond.

Conveniently located in Olive Branch, we serve families from surrounding communities, including Southaven, Germantown, Collierville, Lewisburg, and Byhalia.

You’re Invited

If you’re looking for a church family, meaningful community, and Gospel-centered worship, we would love to welcome you.

Join us this Sunday at Great Commission Church — where faith, love, and community come together and lives are changed by Jesus.