Reference

Ephesians 5:25–27

Homegrown Faith: God’s Plan for Marriage and Motherhood
Part Two: A Husband’s Love and Leadership
Ephesians 5:25–27

Intro: Good morning, church! Let’s start with a question: What picture comes to mind when you hear the word “leadership”?

 

A boss barking orders? A coach pacing the sidelines? A king announcing edicts for the realm?

 

Now, picture this instead: A bleeding Savior, hanging on a cross—not for control, but for love. That’s biblical leadership. That’s what Ephesians 5 calls husbands to model.

 

Eph 5:25-27 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.”

C.S. Lewis – “The husband is to be head of the wife in the sense in which Christ is the head of the Church: He gave Himself up for her.”

 

So, husbands, the real question is not, “How do I get her to follow me?” It’s, “How do I love her like Jesus?”

 

Let’s look at two key truths: “What leadership does” & “What leadership is not”

 

  1. WHAT LEADERSHIP DOES

 

This passage shows us that Jesus gave Himself for the church to make her holy.

 

Husbands, your leadership should be spiritually enriching—like a greenhouse for your wife’s soul. She should be growing stronger in grace, not fading into the background of your priorities.

 

John Piper – “Headship is not a right to command and control; it is a responsibility to love like Christ.”

 

So, here’s the real gut check: Is your love sanctifying her or suffocating her?

 

Leadership does not rule, it refines.

 

You're not the king sitting on a throne, handing down orders. You're the blacksmith standing at the forge, shaping something beautiful. You're not a dictator barking orders. You’re a craftsman working patiently.

 

Good leadership brings out the best in your wife — it doesn’t crush her spirit, it sharpens her character and faith.

 

Eph 5:25-26 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her…”

 

illus: Think jeweler, not jailer. A jeweler cuts away flaws to reveal beauty — a warden just locks things up.

 

Leadership does not dominate, it disciples.

 

If you're flexing your muscles to get your way, you’ve missed the point.

 

Your leadership should look like Jesus with His disciples: patient, teaching, encouraging, sometimes correcting, always loving — not throwing your weight around.


Matt 20:27-28 "And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave—just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve..."

 

You’re a shepherd, not a boss. Big difference: one cracks the whip, the other carries the wounded.

 

Are you trying to "win" arguments—when your role is to win her heart toward Christ?

 

The rabbis had this idea: man was made from soft clay and woman from hard bone — which they thought explained why guys tend to get over things faster, and women take a little longer to patch things up.

 

illus: Also, the rabbis tackled the question, “Why did God make the woman out of the rib of the man?” They said that God didn’t make woman from the head (or she’d be too proud), the eye (too lustful), the ear (too nosy), the mouth (too chatty), the heart (too jealous), the hand (too greedy), or the foot (too meddlesome). Instead, He pulled a rib — tucked away and hidden under the arm —

because modesty was meant to be part of her design from the start, and because her husband would protect her.

 

Leadership does not combust, it stabilizes.

 

You're the thermostat, not the tornado. In the storms of life, real leadership doesn’t explode — it steadies the house.

 

It doesn’t fuel fear; it plants peace.

 

James 3:17 "But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits..."

 

You're either the anchor in the waves or you're the loose cannon on deck. One saves the ship. The other sinks it.

 

  1. WHAT LEADERSHIP IS NOT

 

Let’s bust some myths that wreck marriages and confuse men.

 

Leadership is not being untouchable

 

Prov 15:22 “Without counsel, plans go awry, but in the multitude of counselors they are established.”

If no one can question you, you’re not leading—you’re pretending.

 

Prov 27:17 “As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.”

Your wife isn’t just your partner—she’s your God-given sharpener. A humble husband invites input. A proud one silences it.


illus: One of my favorite card games is ROOK. It’s played with partners, and it’s all about bidding, strategy, and having the right trump cards. Now, there’s one card that beats every other card — it’s called the ROOK. If you’ve got the ROOK in your hand, you’re holding serious power. But here’s the thing: just because you have the ROOK doesn’t mean you’re automatically winning. You’ve still got a bunch of weaker cards that can hurt you if you play them wrong. To win, you must work with your partner. Her input, her help, her strategy — that’s what actually gets you across the finish line. Same thing in marriage.

 

As a husband, God’s given you the "rook" — the final say in family leadership when it’s needed.

 

But it’s a huge mistake to think that just because you’ve got that responsibility, you’ll win in life and marriage on your own. You will not. You need your wife’s input. Without her wisdom and insight, everyone loses.

 

Her voice is not just helpful — it’s essential. Honestly, it’s more valuable to the health of your family than even your own ideas sometimes. She must have the freedom to speak, to question, to challenge, to help sharpen you. That’s how you both win.

 

Husband, God gave you headship—not to rule—but to serve. You drew the short straw. You get to die for her.

 

We do not rule from the corner office. There are no rungs on the ladder of command our wives must climb to get to us. We are not untouchable.

 

Leadership is not dodging dialogue

 

You don’t wait for conversations, you start them.

 

WISEST QUESTION: “Here’s what I was thinking. What do you think?”

 

Prov 18:15 “The heart of the prudent acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge.”

Wives regularly complain that husbands do not initiate communication. “He won’t tell me how he feels.”

 

And husbands regularly complain that the wives do not initiate physical intimacy. “For us to make love, I always have to ask.”

 

The happiest marriages thrive because they reverse those trends.

 

Husbands, be the first to ask questions. Be the first to apologize. Be the first to lower the temperature in the room.

 

illus: Guys, when your wife brings something heavy to you—some frustration, some fear, some concern—you’ve got a leadership moment right in front of you. And it’s not time to go full MacGyver with duct tape and a screwdriver trying to fix it. It’s time to lead with humility and wisdom. Often, the best leadership move is simply to ask her, "Do you need me to listen to you right now, or do you need me to help fix it?" That one question can save a thousand arguments. Sometimes, she doesn’t want a solution—she wants connection. Other times, she wants your strength to help solve it. Either way, leadership isn’t about assuming—you lead better when you ask, when you listen, and when you serve the need she has, not the one you imagine she has.

 

That’s real leadership.

 

1 Pet 3:7 “…husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” ESV

 

And wives, open the bedroom back up for the physical part of marriage. Be the fountainhead where his needs are met.

 

Song of Solomon 3:1 On my bed by night I sought him whom my soul loves…

 

Leadership is not ultimate control

 

It’s final responsibility. It means carrying more.

 

Men and women are equal in value, but different in roles. Wives are the emotional heart of the family. Husbands are the steadying presence. The issue is roles not value.

 

Final responsibility isn’t a symbol of status—it’s a burden of serving.

 

In Scripture, those in leadership are directly accountable. It’s true for church leaders and husbands.

 

Heb 13:17 “Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you.”

When the first married couple disobeyed the Lord and hid from him, who did God hold accountable? The husband.

 

Gen 3:9 Then the Lord God called to Adam and said to him, “Where are you?”

 

The “you” is second person, masculine, singular. God didn’t ask, “Where are you two?” He asked, “Where is the husband?”

 

Tony Evans – “Spiritual headship is not about having your way; it’s about being accountable for the way your family goes.”

 

illus: Break Glass in Case of Fire – Pulling your rank/authority isn’t your everyday move—it’s the fire alarm. You don’t pull it just because you can. You only pull it when all else has failed.

 

Let that sink in: You will give an account.

 

Application: God won’t ask how many times you “won.”

He’ll ask:

  • Did you help her grow in holiness?
  • Did you create peace—or pressure?
  • Did your kids see Christ in how you treated their mom?

 

Men, lead your families in the fear of God—not the fear of failure, not the fear of weakness, not the fear of “losing control.”

 

Oswald Chambers – “The remarkable thing about God is that when you fear Him, you fear nothing else. When you don’t fear God, you fear everything else.”

 

Here are three action steps I dare you to try this week:

  • Pray with your wife daily – even 60 seconds will change the temperature of your home.
  • Ask her, “How can I serve you better?” – and brace yourself for a real answer.
  • Be the first to say, “Let’s talk.” – don’t let silence speak for you.

 

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Transcript

Congratulations to all of our graduating seniors.

You can find Ephesians chapter five in your Bibles today. And this is part two of a five part series called Homegrown God's Plan for Marriage and Motherhood. Last week we preached about the role of the wife in the home. Ladies, did you survive it? You didn't leave bleeding, right?

Well, if you're here, you came back, so it must have been not that bad. And so today we move to the husbands. And this is part two, a husband's love and leadership. And let's start with a question. What picture comes to your mind when you hear the word leadership?

I wonder if it's a boss barking out orders, or is it a coach pacing up and down the sidelines? Or is it a king just announcing new edicts from the throne to all the realm? Those are some common leadership pictures. But picture this instead. A bleeding savior hanging on a Roman cross.

Not for control, but not for attention, but for love and salvation. Because that's biblical leadership. And that's what Ephesians 5 calls husbands to model. So here's our text for today. Ephesians chapter 5, verses 25, 26, 27.

And it's for husbands. So this sermon is going to help you if you're a husband, if you have a husband, or if you've ever heard the word husband before. That should be everybody. All right, husbands, love your wives. Just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her, that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word that he might present himself, that he might present her to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.

Let's bow for prayer. Father, empower our church today with the truth of what makes a strong family. And God, I pray that the hearts of men would be captured today by your grace and your assignment that you've given them in their homes. And God, for the young men that aren't husbands yet but will be God, let them learn this now rather than through difficulties later. And I pray wives would be encouraged to know your truth in Jesus name.

And a faith filled church said, all right. CS Lewis wrote, the husband is to be the head of the wife in the sense in which Christ is the head of the church. He gave himself up for her. So husbands, the real question is not how do I get her to follow me? The real question is how do I love her like Jesus?

So my message is divided into two parts. Two Key truths. The first key truth is what leadership does. And the second key truth is what leadership is not, what leadership does and what leadership is not. So if you're ready, say yes.

Part number one, what leadership does. The passage that we just read shows us that Jesus gave himself for the church for the reason of making her holy husbands. That means your leadership should be spiritually enriching. It's like a greenhouse for your wife's soul. She should be growing stronger in grace.

She should not be fading into the background of your priorities. And, son, that'll preach. John Piper wrote, headship is not a right to command and control. It is a responsibility to love like Christ. So here's the real gut check, fellas.

Is your love sanctifying her or is it suffocating her? Let me tell you three things leadership does. Number one, leadership does not rule. It refines.

Gentlemen, can we talk? You're not the king sitting on the throne, handing down orders. You're the blacksmith at the forge, shaping something beautiful. You're not a dictator barking out commands. You're a craftsman working patiently.

Husbands, love your wives. Just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her, that he might sanctify her and cleanse her with the washing of water by the Word, that he might present her to himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing. What are you making your wife by your leadership? What's she becoming? Because good leadership brings out the best in your wife.

It doesn't crush her spirit. It sharpens her character and it builds her faith. So what we just read that he might sanctify her and cleanse her. Let me illustrate. Guys, think jeweler, not jailer.

A jeweler cuts away flaws to reveal beauty. But a warden just locks things up. If you're just locking your wife's potential up, if you're just locking up her opinions, if you're just locking up her insight, you're crushing her and you're a fool. Leadership doesn't rule, it refines. Here's the second thing leadership does.

Leadership does not dominate it. Disciples.

Guys, if you're flexing your muscle to get your way, you've already lost the point. Your leadership should look like Jesus with his disciples. Patient teaching, encouraging, sometimes correcting, always loving, and not ever throwing your weight around. Leadership doesn't dominate at disciples. Matthew 20, 27, 28.

Our Lord says, whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave. Just as the Son of Man talking about himself did not come to be served, but to serve you get married not to be served, but to serve. Gentlemen, that should have been a chorus of bass voices. Amen. Let me say that again.

You got married not to be served, but to serve. We'll get there. Be patient with us ladies learning you're a shepherd, not a boss. And there's a big difference. One cracks the whip, the other carries the wounded.

And guys, let me ask, are you trying to win arguments when your role is to win her heart toward Christ? Now let me take you back to first century Judaism and tell you what the rabbis had to say about life in the home with the husband and the wife. The rabbis had this idea. This is not me. Do not throw anything at me, ladies.

The rabbis had this idea. Man was made from soft clay. You remember, God made Adam from the dirt and woman was made out of the hard bone, the rib of the man. Here's what they thought the reason for that was they thought that explained why guys tend to get over things faster and why women take a little longer to patch things up. This is the culture that Jesus was teaching men in.

Now, the rabbis also tackled this question. Why did God make woman out of the rib of the man? Well, they said for a few reasons. They said that God didn't make woman out of the man's head or else she'd be too proud. They said God didn't make woman out of the man's eye.

That might make her too lustful. She wasn't made out of his ear. That might make her too nosy for gossip. He didn't make her out of the man's mouth so that she wouldn't be too chatty. He didn't make her out of the man's heart, or she might be too jealous.

He didn't make her out of the man's hand, or she might be too greedy. He didn't make her out of the man's foot, or she might become a busybody and be too meddlesome. Instead, he pulled a rib tucked away, hidden under his arm for two reasons. Number one, they said because modesty was meant to be part of her design from the beginning, covered up. And because from the rib under his arm, he could protect her.

Now, I think they were onto something here. Because leadership doesn't dominate it, disciples. And in discipling, it protects. Number three, here's the third thing leadership does. Leadership does not combust.

It stabilizes.

This is the word for the arguing home. This is the word for the short tempered man. This is a word for the nagging wife. Leadership doesn't Combust, it stabilizes. Gentlemen, you're the thermostat, not the tornado.

In the storms of life, real leadership doesn't explode. Real leadership steadies the house. It doesn't fuel fear, it plants peace. Many tumultuous homes are that way because husbands don't understand this. There are some senses, guys, that you're the only one with the assignment and the ability to stabilize your household.

God didn't give that responsibility to the woman. He didn't equip her to do that. That's on you. And if it takes nothing to set you off, and if around your house, the people that love you the most and know you best walk on eggshells, this is a monumental failure on your part, because leadership doesn't combust. It doesn't blow up.

It stabilizes. James 3:17. But the wisdom that is from above, wisdom from heaven is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits. That's a word for men. That's a word from heaven that says, if you want a household full of wisdom, it starts with you.

And it looks like that verse, you're either the anchor in the waves or you're the loose cannon on the deck. One saves the ship, the other sinks it. Leadership doesn't combust, it stabilizes. Well, I had a lot to pick from, but those are the three that I chose for our message today. Those are some things that leadership does.

But I think what's going to help the most today is to tell you what leadership is not. So here's part two of the sermon.

Let's bust some myths that wreck marriages and confuse men and women. You, you ready? Couldn't hear you. All right, number one, what leadership is not. Leadership is not being untouchable.

Leadership's not being untouchable. Proverbs 15:22. Without counsel, everybody say counsel. Without counsel, plans go awry. But in the multitude of counselors, they are established men.

You need a growth team around you of people that can strengthen you and your weaknesses. And your number one member, your first counselor on your growth team is the lady that you married. Your plans are going to fail if you don't get any counsel. God didn't give you everything you need in you. He gives you everything you need in His Word and in his church and the people around you of faith.

So, guys, if no one can question you, if no one can counsel you, you're not leading, you're pretending. Let me ask you a question. Do you think you're a finished product already?

Now Proverbs 27:17 suggests that there are parts from you that need to be sanded off. Proverbs 27:17. As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. I think the King James says, or the new American standard says, as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Well, how does iron sharpen iron?

How does it knock off the sharp edges? By grinding against itself. When iron sharpens iron, it's because iron is grinding against iron. In other words, marriage. Amen.

Just this grind.

Your wife isn't just your partner, boys. She's your God given sharpener. And a humble husband invites input. A proud one silences it. When my wife and I first got married, and when we didn't have children and responsibilities when we had time, we used to play cards.

One of our favorite card games is the game called rook. Anybody ever played rook? Raise your hand if you played rookie. Now put your hands down if you were okay. If you played rook and the biggest trump card was the red one, raise your hand.

All of you come for prayer at the end of the service. That's the wrong way to play the game. And raise your hand if it was the bird. The rook was the highest trump. All the godly people.

All right, got you. Alright, there you are. Rook's a fun game you play with a partner. And the idea is it's all about bidding and strategy and having the right trump cards. And there's a way you play it in Mississippi and there's a way you play it in Kentucky.

Kentucky rook. You use the bird, the rook card. The rook card beats every other card. I think I got a picture for it on the screen. I have one.

This is my old one. Got it this morning. It's 30 years old. We've been using that. If you get dealt this card in the game, you hold the card that's going to win any trick you play.

You want this? It's worth 20 points. And all the other ones are worth less. Here's the idea. If you've got the rook in your hand, you're holding serious power.

But here's the thing. Just because you have the rook doesn't mean you're automatically winning. You've still got a bunch of weaker cards in your hand that can hurt you if you play them wrong. So to win, you have to work with your partner and her input and her help and her strategy. That's what gets you across the finish line.

Listen to me. Same thing in marriage, men, because you're the head of the household. You're even the head of the wife. Jesus says. The Bible says you hold the rook card.

And most people that hold this rook card and haven't heard this kind of teaching play it at the wrong time. They play it too often, and you're wrecking your marriage as a husband. God's given you the rook. That's the final say in family leadership when it's needed. But it's a huge mistake to think that just because you've got that responsibility, you'll win in life, you'll win in marriage by your own ingenuity and by your own skill.

You will not. You need your wife's input. You require it. Without her wisdom and without her insight, everybody loses. You see, her voice is not just helpful, it is essential.

Honestly, the wife's voice is often more valuable to the health of your family than even your own ideas sometimes. So she must have the freedom to speak. She must have the liberty to question and to challenge and to help sharpen you. That's how both of you win, and you win for all your children. Here's what Proverbs 31, verses 27 and 28 say about the virtuous wife.

She watches over the ways of her household. Guys, how many of you know that your wife sees things around the house and around the family that you miss? I mean, you're looking at ESPN and she's looking like the kid crying in the corner, right? Is that just me? Do I only need to preach this sermon to me?

She sees things you don't see. She watches over the ways of her household. She doesn't eat the bread of idleness. In other words, lazy women don't see this.

The ones who don't eat the bread of idleness do. And let me tell you this. You're not fooling your kids. They see it all. So her children rise up and call her blessed.

Her husband also. And he. Everybody. Say it, guys. Say it louder, like you mean it.

He praises her right husband in the room. God gave you a partner, not a passenger.

So elevate her and honor her. Speak well of her in her presence and especially outside of her presence, where she might hear about it later and praise her because he gave you headship, boys. Not to rule, but to serve. That means you drew the short straw. You get to die for her.

You're the sacrifice hanging on the cross for your family. If anybody has to yield their will and their preferences, it's you. Jesus set this example for you. There is no ladder where wives climb up to us. We don't rule from the corner office.

We are not untouchable. Leadership is not untouchable. Did you guys get that? You ready to go on to the next one? What if they get worse?

They don't. Number two thing that leadership is not. Leadership is not dodging dialogue. Write that down.

Husbands, you don't wait for conversations. You start them. Let me give you the wisest question that I know to ask. No matter what station you're in in life, whether you're the boss or the employee, whether you're the husband or the wife, whether you're the teacher or the student, it doesn't matter what seat you're sitting in. Start employing this and watch your life elevate because of the grace of God.

Here's what I was thinking. What do you think? Repeat after me. Here's what I was thinking. What do you think?

Let's try that again. It was like a chorus, kind of. Tighten that up. Here's what I was thinking. What do you think?

Leaders employ it. Unleaders, non leaders employ this. Here's the idea behind it. I might be wrong. I might have missed it.

I might be blind to something very important. Here's what I was thinking about this decision. But in case I missed a big. In case I missed it big, or in case I'm just a little bit off, what do you think? Because your insight and your perspective matters.

Husbands, here's a tool for your tool belt. And wives, if he asks you this this week, don't laugh. Don't chuckle that off. See that as, oh, my goodness. He's trying to apply the word of God to himself, to our marriage, to our family.

I've complained to others that he doesn't do this. I'm getting behind this right now. Amen. Here's what I was thinking. What do you think?

Proverbs 18:15. The heart of the prudent acquires knowledge. You gotta go get some of it. And the ear of the wise seeks knowledge. That verse is the outworking of that wise.

Question. Now, I've been counseling husbands and wives long enough to see patterns. I'm gonna give you the most common pattern and complaints of men and women. You ready for this? Wives regularly complain that husbands do not initiate communication.

Yes or no? Yes. Here's what she says. He won't tell me how he feels.

Number one, he doesn't really know how he feels. Your wife. That way he's not. But there's a lot of truth in this. He won't tell me how he feels.

On the other hand, Husbands regularly complain that the wives do not initiate physical intimacy. Here's what he says. For us to make love, I always have to ask. He won't tell me how he feels. For us to make love, he won't.

I always have to ask. The happiest marriages thrive because they reverse those trends. And the guys talk to the women about how they feel. And the women start the bedroom. Husbands, be the first to ask questions.

Be the first to apologize. Be the first to lower the temperature in the room.

Alright fellows, let me illustrate this. When your wife brings something heavy to you and it's going to be at the most important part of the game, okay, the most inconvenient time, she's going to bring something to you that's very important to her and it may not sound important to you. In the moment, some frustration, some fear, some concern, some criticism. When she does it, you've got a leadership moment right in front of you and I'm going to explain. And it's not time for you to go full on MacGyver.

Remember that guy from the 80s? Get duct tape and a screwdriver and try to fix it. It's time in that moment for you to lead with humility and wisdom. Often the best leadership move is to simply ask her. You ready?

Do you need me to listen to you right now or do you need me to help you fix it? Let me say that again. Do you need me to listen to you right now or do you need me to help you fix it? That one question can save a thousand arguments, a thousand crazy cycles. Because guys, sometimes she doesn't want a solution.

She wants connection with you. That's do you need me to listen? Other times she wants your strength and your know how to help solve it. Either way, leadership is not about assuming. You see, you lead better when you ask, you lead better when you listen.

You lead better when you serve the need she has, not serving the need that you imagine she has. Let me say that again. You lead better when you serve the needs she has, not the one you imagine she has. And if you want to take all imagination out of it, talk to her. That's real leadership and that's first.

Peter 3:7 husbands live with your wives in an understanding way. I just gave you a tool for your tool belt. To live with her in an understanding way. Do you need me to listen right now or do you need me to fix it? And wives never tell him both.

Because if you say both, you just said, I'll take over and I'll dictate To you how this is going to go. You're not the leader, and that's not your place. But you can say, look, I just need you to listen to me right now. I need to be heard. I need to be seen.

I need to connect. And guys, you need to get that muscle stronger in your life or I need you to fix it. Look, ladies, if it's fix it, don't tell him how to fix it. Okay? You're going to do it.

Now I want to give you. Here's the steps. 1, 2, 3, 4. No, I got it. Let me do it.

There's tension in this room right now because this is hitting the mark in your life. Many of you, all right, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel. Now, ladies, I know you hate that verse, but you shouldn't because it's true and it's from God. And if you'll look closely, it's God saying, honor her, not belittle her. Do you see it?

It's not. Could you be quiet for a moment? You're the weak one. It's, oh, if you're weaker, I get up underneath you and I lift you up. You get the honor, not me.

You honor her since they are heirs with you of the grace of life. Your wife has the same grace of God that you have. You're equal there. So he goes ahead and says, we're not talking about inequality here. But guys, if you don't, God says, not listening to you, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Do you see it? Big time verse. Guys, learn first Peter 3:7. Now, the reason you need to learn first Peter 3. 7 is I'm getting ready to give your wives a verse from Song of Solomon that you're going to go didn't know was in the Bible.

Why am I only hearing about it right now? Ready? So you guys, you're 1 Peter 3:7. Now, wives, open the bedroom, back up for the physical part of marriage.

Only Randy. Only Randy is truthful. I'm going to try that again. Guys, open the. Wives, open the bedroom, back up for the physical part of marriage.

You guys just don't have it in you, do you? It's hilarious. I'm laughing at you right now. Not really. Even with you.

Okay, look, ladies, be the fountainhead where his needs are met in this area. And guys, most of you are addicted to pornography and you need private prayer with other men. Have God come and break that stronghold. It's gonna ruin everything. I'll just leave that right there, that.

Just one comment. Now listen to me ladies. The reason I said open up the bedroom for his physical back up for physical part of marriage is because in the song of Solomon about the king and his bride, their lovers, I want you to see what Song of Solomon 3:1 says. This is the lady on my bed by night I sought him whom my soul loves. I told you you love that verse, guys.

On my bed by night I sought the one my soul loves. That's the girl doing the seeking in the bedroom. Leadership is not dodging dialogue. All right, did you survive that one? There's only one more land in the plane.

Lastly, what leadership is not leadership is not ultimate control, but it is final responsibility, gentlemen. And that means you carry more. Men and women are equal in value. Yes. Different in roles.

Yes. Equal in value. Different in roles. Wives are the emotional heart of the family. And look, without the wife's presence and without her God given ability to do this, home life gets really sharp edged and severe and it's just too hard, it's not soft enough.

She's the emotional heart of the family. Husbands are the steadying presence, the anchor. The issue is role, not value. And guys, you have final responsibility. But I don't want you to think that's a symbol of status.

It's a burden of serving. Because in scripture leaders, those in leadership are directly accountable. It's true for church leaders and it's true for husbands. Church leaders. First, just to show you Hebrews 13:17, the writer of Hebrews says, to those who belong to local churches, obey those who rule over you.

Those who rule over you in the church of the elders, obey those who rule over you. Be submissive because they watch over your souls as those who must give account. I have to give an account of all you knuckleheads. You understand that? And you have to endure my leadership.

We're kind of all in it together, but I take this very seriously. I take shepherding you, pointing you to Jesus, picking you back up when you fell in the ditch, cheering you on when you're on the narrow road. And do I take that very seriously. Because I'm going to stand before Yahweh and he's going to talk to me about it. And I probably have to just stand there and not say anything else because he's God.

Does that make sense? Who must give an account, Let them do so with joy. And I gotta say, for most overwhelming majority of the years here, the ministry, even though it's difficult, it's not a joyless difficulty. It's filled with. It's a privilege.

I can't believe I get to be your pastor. I can't believe the Lord has raised up the kind of leaders and the kind of faithful people that belong to this congregation. It's too good to be true. And I don't want to be anywhere else. This is my only and favorite church.

I understand what it means to have joy in this leadership role and not with grief, because that would be unprofitable for you. Church leaders are held accountable and so are husbands. You know when the first married couple in the whole Bible, what were their names? Adam and Eve disobeyed the Lord and ate the forbidden fruit in Genesis 3. And then they hid from the Lord.

Remember that? They ran and hid. They covered themselves with fig leaves, and then they hid in the trees or wherever they were.

Who did God hold accountable in that moment? The answer is the husband. Here's Genesis 3:9. The Lord God called to say it, and he said to him, where are you? That word, you is second person masculine singular.

Second person masculine singular. It couldn't be Eve in any universe. God didn't say, where are y'all? He said, where's the husband? Let that sink in, boys.

You will give an account. Leadership is not ultimate control. It's final responsibility. Pastor Tony Evans wrote, spiritual headship is not about having your way. It's about being accountable for the way your family goes.

Mercy.

Everybody's seen in a commercial building, the break glass, in case of fire thing on the wall. Raise your hand if you've seen that. You know what I'm talking about. Do you realize that pulling your rank comes playing your trump card? Pulling your authority can't be your everyday move.

It's the fire alarm in your family. You don't pull it because you can. You only pull it when all else has failed.

That's your leadership responsibility to apply this to our lives today. Guys, I want to just say, finally, God's not going to ask you how many times you won the argument. He'll ask, did you help her grow in holiness? He'll ask, did you create peace or pressure? He'll ask, did your children see Christ in how you treated their mom?

You think about that. Let's pray together.

Lord, I think it should be heavier for the men, but only because of the leadership you've given us. And I pray for the husbands in this room, the ones that aren't Christians. God, I pray you'd save them, bring them into the family of God so they can have the Holy Spirit. And lead well. And I pray God for these believing men and what they've just heard from the scriptures and they're evaluating and they're saying I fall short here and I'm weak here and it's a mess here.

God, I pray that you would so grab their heart that they'd make a commitment today to turn it around and love and lead their wives the way you lead the church in Jesus name. Amen.

Amen. As we're wrapping up, I wanted to give you an opportunity to process the message. We'll have the prayer ministry team up front. You're welcome card. Go ahead and finish filling that out with a prayer request some information on there.

And I was telling you at the beginning of the service about the instant that David's guilt was exposed and he could no longer hide it. And I wanted to tell you his response to that because I think it'd be helpful for you this morning. His response wasn't defensive, but it was very real and it was very raw. And here's what he says. He says, I have sinned against the Lord.

Isn't it amazing? He came to the realization when he saw God's holiness exposing his sin. He says, my goodness, I have sinned against the Lord. And this was the mark. The beginning of his restoration was through repentance.

You see, God is not about condemnation, but he's about transformation every time, all through the Scriptures. And I've wondered, have you been so amazed at Jesus and so repulsed by your sin that you say, I have sinned against the Lord? Have you ever come to that realization? And maybe you did today hearing that simple story, David. Or maybe there's something, a song or the sermon where you said, you know what?

I've. I've sinned against the Lord. Well, I want to offer you hope. Today we see a couple verses in the scriptures of people crying out to God for salvation. One is a prayer of repentance and it's this.

It's be merciful to me, a sinner. And the other is a prayer of faith. And it's remember me when you come into your kingdom. And I'm going to give you the opportunity this morning to say yes to Jesus if you never have. I'm going to walk you through some simple prayers and then we'll continue on with what's next.

So pray with me this morning. Jesus, you are God and today I say yes to you. Would you be merciful to me, a sinner? I have sinned against the Lord. Would you remember me when you come into Your kingdom give me faith that I will have eternal life through you.

In Jesus name, Amen. We don't trust in a prayer, but we trust in a person, right? And that person is Jesus Christ. And no one should walk alone. It's what the church exists for, that we can push each other towards Jesus and growing towards Jesus.

And we love doing that here. And you know, if you said yes to Jesus today, if you'd mark on that card, I'm ready to trust Jesus or I want to rediscover my faith in Jesus. You can take that card. And Randy, would you go ahead and go over here to this station, hold up that book. We got a resource for you guys.

You can walk that card straight up here, give it to Randy, and he'll exchange it for a book called what's Next. It's what's Next in the Christian. Okay, I said yes to Jesus. Now what? We'll also have Kyle will be out in the lobby holding that book up as well for you there.

Love for you to get that as a reminder, if you're newer, you can take your card in the lobby, exchange it for a gift. Everyone else can put it in the wooden boxes on their way out. Hey, guys, it's been a great Sunday in the house of the Lord. Would you stand with me as the prayer ministry team comes forward? Let me pray for you one more time.

Let's pray. Father, we are so grateful together in the name of Jesus. Father, we're grateful for the word of God that challenges us in our marriage. And it challenges us to live more for you and less for us. God, I pray you chisel those pieces away that don't look like your son and give us the grace and mercy to live for Jesus.

We love you. In Jesus name, amen. Hey. Come forward. Receive prayer.

You're dismissed.
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Come and join us this Sunday at the Great Commission Church for a truly remarkable and uplifting experience. Great Commission Church is not just any ordinary place of worship; it's a vibrant community where faith comes alive, hearts are filled with love, and lives are transformed. Our doors are wide open, ready to welcome you into the warm embrace of our congregation, where you'll discover the true essence of fellowship and spirituality. At Great Commission Church, we are more than just a congregation; we are a family united by a common mission – to follow the teachings of Christ and spread His love to the world. As you step inside Great Commission Church, you'll find a sanctuary that nurtures your faith and encourages you to be part of something greater than yourself.

We believe in the power of coming together as a community to worship, learn, and serve. Whether you're a long-time believer or just starting your spiritual journey, Great Commission Church welcomes people from all walks of life. Our vibrant services are filled with inspiring messages, beautiful music, and heartfelt prayers that will uplift your soul. Every Sunday at Great Commission Church is an opportunity to deepen your relationship with God and connect with others who share your faith and values.

At Great Commission Church, we believe that faith is not just a solitary endeavor but a shared experience that strengthens and enriches us all. Our church is a place where you can find purpose, belonging, and the encouragement to live a life in accordance with Christ's teachings. Join us this Sunday at Great Commission Church and experience the transformative power of faith in action. Be part of a loving and supportive community that is committed to making a positive impact in our world. Together, we strive to fulfill the great commission to go forth and make disciples of all nations. We look forward to having you with us at Great Commission Church this Sunday, where faith, love, and community intersect in a truly amazing way.

Great Commission Church is a non-denominational Christian church located in Olive Branch, Mississippi. We are a short drive from Germantown, Southaven, Collierville, Horn Lake, Memphis, Fairhaven, Mineral Wells, Pleasant Hill, Handy Corner, Lewisburg and Byhalia.

See you Sunday at Great Commission Church!